Wish I'd Never Grown Up
by likestarlight
Summary: All Amber ever wanted was to be happy, but she kept falling deeper and deeper into this big, black hole... until she can't take it anymore.
1. Prologue

**Hi. So this is going to be my attempt at another chapter story...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis.**

* * *

When I was a little girl, I always thought that growing up meant having everyone's number.

Being pretty, being able to wear makeup, being popular, and most of all,

_Being happy._

But, as I grew older, I found out that becoming older isn't all what my cousin portrayed it to be. My cousin, Dana, was the social queen. Of course, I didn't know that until a few years ago. I thought that the way she was, was the way I was going to be.

But boy, was I wrong.

In reality, growing older means the more people you meet, trying to be the best, becoming depressed, and your friends, even the people who are like your brother or sister, ignoring you.

Some people will even go to the extremity of starving themselves, making themselves throw up their food, or even harming themselves.

Oh sure, some people don't turn out like this. They're the lucky ones. They're already thin, beautiful, and super popular.

But even those sometimes turn out to be the ones that are hurting the most.

People say that the teenage years of your life are the best ever.

God, I hope not.

Of course, TV doesn't show you the real truth. They show you everyone being happy, and singing, and in love. So, when you see that, you come to think that you are going to turn out to be the exact same way. But they are off by a long shot.

You keep falling deeper and deeper into this big, dark hole that never seems like it's going to end.

The worst part?

No one ever notices, unless you tell them.

Then, your mom finds out by accident how you feel, and you feel horrible about it. Slowly, you start to tell your friends how you feel.

I know exactly how all of this feels.

My name is Amber Millington, and this is my story.

* * *

**This entire story will be written in Amber's POV unless noted otherwise. **

**Updates will be every 4-7 days, maybe a little less.**

***When your birthday passed, and I didnt call***


	2. Chapter 1

**Hi. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and subscribed and favored my story. **

**I'm sorry for so many line breaks, and any awkward phrases. **

**The focus couples are revealed in this chapter, so I'm sorry if you don't like them.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis.**

* * *

I am going to start you off, about two years ago, and we'll see how it goes from there.

**2 years ago…**

"Alright, you guys have fifteen minutes. Turn to someone next to you and begin working." Mr. Sweet said, sitting down at his desk.

At our chemistry table, I sit in the middle of Nina and Alfie. Fabian sits next to Nina, and Jerome is next to Alfie.

I turn to look at Alfie, but he was already talking to Jerome. I shrugged, before turning to Nina. Nina was already started on the worksheet with Fabian, so I just smiled and worked by myself.

* * *

Haha. I remember that day. Of course, then I didn't realize that would be happening more often. Now I know no matter what my friends are going to pick someone other than me. I almost always work by myself.

* * *

"Alright, Miss. Millington. We'll start with you." Mrs. Andrew's said.

Then she said something in French that I had no idea what it meant whatsoever. For a second, I thought she asked me what my name was, but I wasn't sure so I said "I have no idea what you just asked me."

"Ah,well, Amber, have you been studying?"

"Yes,a little bit." I answered truthfully. I wasn't studying the "fifteen minutes minimum" every night, but I did look at it a lot.

"A little bit? It's either a yes or a no." then she turned to Alfie, and asked him the same question.

"Mon nom est Alfie Lewis" he answered.

So it did mean your name. I get the easiest question and I still mess it up. I'm such a disappointment. I started scratching myself in one place, leaving me with this burn looking thing. If anyone asked me what that was, that's what I would say; "a burn", and no one would suspect a thing. The bell rang, and I sighed. It was time for lunch, and no one noticed I did not eat a bite, even though I was starving.

* * *

I guess I told Nina a few months ago. She knows about everything; my self harming, self hatred, anxiety, and now my anorexia. But I don't think my anorexia will turn really bad because I have to eat something at dinner and at least a glass of milk at breakfast or I get the worst headache.

She tries to help me, but I don't think she fully understands. Then I told Fabian. I'm not sure what his reaction was, since he just sat down and looked straight ahead. He doesn't act any different, so I don't think he cares. Nina says he does, but I'm 99.9% sure she's just trying to make me feel better.

Joy found out a bit too. If she ever reads this, she'll find out the full extent.

Oh yeah, then there's the whole 'Fabina' thing. I hate how I barged in on them. I feel like whenever they tried to have alone time, I came in and messed it all up. I can't help but think their break up was my fault. Of course, Nina tries to tell me it wasn't my fault, but I know it was. It just makes me hate myself even more.

They're back together now, stronger and more in love than ever, but I can never get over my past for some reason.

As much as I hate to admit it, Fabian is the perfect boyfriend. I don't like him like that, but still. He's nice, sweet, and caring. I've seen the way he looks at Nina. He's totally, head-over-heels, in love with Nina, and I am sure she feels the same exact way about him.

I don't have a boyfriend. After Alfie broke up with me, I realized no one would ever truly like me. It sucks, too, because I've taken up a new interest in someone.

Then, there's Eddie and Patricia. Sure, they bicker, but they probably love each other as much as Fabina does. And yeah, maybe they broke up last summer, but they got back together. They also are oblivious to all my 'problems'.

In the beginning of all this, I told Mara I was depressed. She just brushed it off and said I wasn't. Yes, because she can tell how I really feel.

Willow is literally the only person I feel actually somewhat likes me. Too bad I keep pushing her away. Then she started to date Alfie. Just like Willow, he has no clue about anything. He would probably get disgusted.

I'm disgusted with myself, so why wouldn't he be too?

Jerome doesn't have a clue, either. I have taken a bit of a liking in him, sadly. It's funny, because I never would've thought I would ever like him. But I know that he won't like me like that, ever, so I should just give up.

But for some reason, I just can't. It's like I'm stuck on him.

I can see the Jerome that is smart, funny, and caring, while everyone else can only see the mischief in him. Everyone else sees the bad guy that has the father in jail, but not me. I can see farther than his reputation.

I wish I could do the same for myself.

* * *

**Have you guys seen the preview for 'The Touchstone of Ra'? It looks so exciting, but our babies are graduating! And, unfortunately for me, there's what looks like Mabian. I do not ship them together. **

**K, so enough of this rant. See you next time (: **

**Oh darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple**


	3. Chapter 2

**Hi! So, this chapter kind of makes Alfie look like a bully, but that isn't his role. Everything in italics is the thoughts in Amber's head (other than the quote, of course)**

**Thank you so much for following, reviewing, favoring, everything. (:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis. I do, however, own all the things that are emotionally abusing Amber!**

* * *

_'The tricky thing, is yesterday we were just children,_

_playing soliders, just pretending,_

_dreaming dreams with happy endings._

_But now we've stepped into a cruel world,_

_where everyone stands and keeps score.'_

* * *

Volleyball.

Most girls love that sport, but of course, I don't. My friends don't help me either.

On my volleyball team, there's me, Fabian, Nina, Patricia, Alfie, and Eddie. You would think that Fabian would be the worst player, right?

Not by a long shot.

I can't play it to save my life. Haha, I wouldn't try to save my life if I had the chance…

Anyway, you just need to learn how to spike and serve the ball, and do it. Well, I guess I'm just so stupid because I can't do anything along those lines.

"Come on Amber! You have to at least try!" Alfie said to me after a game.

I looked at him, and then looked down at my feet.

Why can't he see I'm trying?

I hear him sigh, and walk away. I feel completely worthless.

'_That's because you are worthless_.' The voice in the back of my head said.

Beginning to walk away, someone takes a hold of my arm. I cringe away, fearing someone was going to hurt me, but it was just Nina.

Nina was of course followed by Fabian. I couldn't help but notice they were holding hands, which I found adorable!

"Amber, Fabian figured out what the next chemical was!" Nina exclaimed. I smiled and nodded.

"Sibuna meeting tonight, okay?" she added, and I nodded again. Nina walked away, pulling Fabian along with her.

Instantly, my smile vanished. I hardly ever do anything at those. I bet they're going to kick me out soon.

I feel as if I never ever do anything to help Sibuna.

'_That's because you don't, you fat, ugly pig' _

Even though my stomach was in the middle of a hunger rumble, I still ran into the bathroom and threw up. No, not because I'm bulimic, but something about that voice makes me want to throw up.

I heard a knock on the bathroom stall door. Oh crap.

"Amber, are you alright?" a voice called.

I flushed the toilet, and opened the stall door to see Joy standing there.

I smiled, and gave a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah, of course I'm fine"

"But, Amber, you just threw up." Joy said, unconvinced.

"Oh, I just got so nervous thinking about the French speaking finals. I'm fine now." I said, somewhat truthfully. I was freaking out about the finals.

"Oh, okay." Joy said, letting me pass through. I washed my hands, smiled at Joy again, and ran out.

* * *

I was sent downstairs by Nin and Patricia to go fetch Fabian and Alfie for a Sibuna meeting. I'm surprised Fabian didn't know it got pushed up, as he's almost always attached somehow to Nina.

I ran, literally, into Jerome on the way there. I, of course, said sorry, but I kept walking, blushing. Jerome called out to me, but I kept moving.

God, I am such a freaking screw up. I just ran into someone.

'_Yes, you are. Why don't you just make life easier and die?_'

Voice in my head, there is nothing I would like more.

I had a strange sense of anxiety and I got closer and closer to Fabian's room, like someone would yell at me. But, Fabian wouldn't yell at me, right?

I knocked on the door lightly, and then went inside. There wasn't just Fabian in the room, but Alfie too. There were in a very interesting position.

Alfie was sitting on Fabian's bed; with his hands on what I think is Fabian's guitar. Fabian had Alfie in a bear hug from behind, literally holding Alfie's hands, and their faces a few mere inches apart.

Upon hearing the door open, Fabian and Alfie looked up. Even though I tried to hide all emotion, they must have seen a confused look, as they looked at each other and jumped apart. I looked down at my feet.

"What do you want, Amber?" Fabian said, with his voice with little hints of anger and rudeness.

'_You deserve it, Amber_'

Still looking down at my feet, I said quietly, "Nina and Patricia wanted me to tell you that it's time for a Sibuna meeting." With that said, I walked out, looking down.

"Gosh, you would think she would know how to knock." I hear Alfie say behind me. Tears stung in my eyes.

"Yeah, but she's Amber. What do you expect?" Fabian said back.

I started to run upstairs, but I was stopped by a wall.

"Amber, are you alright?" the wall says.

I look up, and see Jerome.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say, break from his grasp, and run up the stairs.

Behind me, I hear Jerome ask Fabian and Alfie if they did anything to upset me. More than likely they said no, but I wasn't sure as I ran straight into the girls' bathroom. As soon as I got there, the tears started falling.

I would expect that from Alfie, but Fabian? I thought he was nice, I thought he would help, I thought he would care.

'_No one cares about you, Amber. No one ever did, and no one ever will.'_

I'm not surprised. Why would they? I'm stupid, fat, ugly, depressed, anxiety filled, must I go on?

I dried my eyes. Fabian doesn't care, no matter what Nina says. I know that now. I fixed my eye makeup, and walked out of the bathroom and into the other room.

I ignored all the questioning looks. Well, everyone except Alfie looked curious. He had a look of anger. I sat down on my bed and listened to everything everyone said.

* * *

In our art class, up to four people can sit at a table.

Mara, Jerome, Joy, and Eddie sit at one; Fabian, Nina, Alfie, and Patricia sit at the next. Where do I sit?

By myself, at the table next to the rest of Sibuna. If I heard one of them laughing, I always presumed it was about me. Always.

I was brought back to reality by our art teacher clapping her hands.

"So, as you know class, end of term is coming up soon, and I thought it would be a fun idea to have a class party!"

I don't know if she said anything after that as my entire body went numb.

A party? In art class?

With people? And food?

This is just fantastic.

* * *

**Poor Amber. So, um, thank you again. OH YAY SHE REPLIED okay I hoped you liked it!**

**Beginning Quote: 'Eyes Open', Taylor Swift**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hello. I would just like to state that: The bold underlined is my semi line break, the first sentence that is italicised (idk how to spell that) and underlined is the text message, I ate 5 dark chocolate brownies today, and that my social studies teacher is scarier than Rufus, Vera, Froby, Victor, Senkhara, Denby, and all the sinners combined. Please do help.**

**-Thanks for reviewing, subscribing, and favoring. Your dark chocolate brownie shall arrive soon... after it comes out of my stomach.**

**-Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis.**

**-Dedicated to: my cousin, Dana, her boyfriend, Mike, and my friend, Ryan. You'll never read this, but if you do, 'thank you' for 'everything'.**

* * *

_All this time I was wasting_

_hoping you would come around_

* * *

'_I wont be able to make it '_

I read those words over and over, each time stabbing at my heart

'Not even your own cousin wants to hang out wish you because you're such a big disgrace'

Once a month, my cousin Dana and I meet up for lunch. I always look forward to it, as I don't see her that often and she is one of my closest family members.

It must be because of Mike. Mike is Dana's boyfriend of six months, so he must be way more exciting than a girl she has known for almost her whole entire life.

'_You bet he is'_

I don't blame Mike for liking Dana though. Dana is drop dead gorgeous, with her black hair, green eyes, and pale skin. She also has an amazing figure, which is something I wish I had. She's thin, has the chest, and is just perfect in every single way.

Of course, even though we have the same grandparents, we look and act completely separate.

This was lucky for her, but bad for me.

So, anyway, now I was standing in front of her favorite café. Trudy wasn't supposed to pick me up for a few more hours, but I wanted to go home now. Knowing Fabian was the only one in Anubis that could drive without an adult in the car (other than Trudy and Victor, of course); I took out my cell phone and tried to call him.

'_He's not going to answer you, freak.'_

And the voice was right. He did not pick up, so I tried Nina.

Right when I was about to give up, she answered.

"Hello?" she said, sounding out of breath.

"Hi Nina, I don't mean to be a bother, but-"I was interrupted by Nina giggling, and a male voice asking her who she was talking to. So she was with Fabian, great. I was interrupting them.

"Sorry, Amber, what were you going to say?"

"Well, my cousin kind of bailed on me, so I was wondering if Fabian could come pick me up." I said, closing my eyes and holding my breath, waiting for the decline.

"Sure, Amber. Where are you?" Nina asked.

"What?!" I said, and then realized what I said. "I mean, oh, I'm in front of Panera Bread."

"Okay." Nina said.

"Thank you." I said before hanging up, and sitting at a table in the front of the restaurant.

* * *

**THIS IS MY SEMI LINE BREAK, I'M JUST CHANGING QUOTES.**

_You never did give a damn thing honey,_

_but I cried, cried, for you_

* * *

Fabian, I guess, made some sort of remark, because once I was in his car Nina smacked him lightly on the arm.

I guess I also mumbled my thoughts about wanting to die because the next thing I knew Fabian had pulled onto a side road and onto the side of the road, and both of them were turned towards me.

"What did you just say, Amber?" Fabian asked me caringly.

Yeah right.

"I want to die." I said to them.

"Amber, don't think like that! You're an amazing and beautiful person." Fabian said to me.

"Don't you dare."

Nina and Fabian shared a confused look before looking back at me.

"Don't I dare what?" Fabian asked me.

"Don't you dare tell me I'm pretty, amazing, or pretend to care about me, because everyone knows that isn't true.

"But Amber-"

"No."

"Amber, I do care about you."

"NO!" I screamed, making everyone jump.

I took a deep breath before beginning to speak again.

"Fabian, I heard what you said to Alfie. I know you don't give a damn about me, so shut up, turn around, and start to drive." I said, sitting back and looking out the window.

I think that got the point across to Fabian as he did exactly that.

* * *

_Maybe we got lost in translation/_

_it's like I'm paralyzed by it_

* * *

Needless to say, the rest of that car ride was silent.

It's been a week since then, and Fabian and I haven't talked. Fabian has tried to talk to me several times, but I always find a way out. Thankfully, or else I might break down.

"Amber?" I hear Nina ask, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yes?" I answered, looking over to where she was sitting on her bed.

"Amber… would you consider talking things out with Fabian? I don't mean to bother you about this, but he's just very shaken up, and as his best friend and girlfriend, I just want to make him feel better." Nina almost pleaded to me.

I sighed, but said, "Sure, why not?"

Nina immediately brightened up. "Really? Thank you so much Amber! Can you go talk to him now?"

"Sure."

"Do you want me to text him, to have him come up here, or are you going to go down into his room and do it?"

I weighed my options, before making a choice. "I'll go down."

"Okay!" Nina said, smiling at me.

I smiled back at her and went downstairs.

"Hi, Amber!" A male voice called behind me.

Turning around, I saw it was Jerome.

Great, just what I needed.

"Hi Jerome." I said, pushing my hair back behind my ear.

"You look… nice." He said, looking me over.

I blushed like a maniac. "Thank you."

He smiled at me before turning and walking into the common room.

I let out a sigh of relief. That was one of the hardest things ever. I probably just made a fool of myself.

'_Yes you did.'_

And he complimented me… why?

'I don't know why, either. You're not pretty at all.'

I walked down the boy's hallway, still blushing like crazy, and stopping at Fabian's door and knocking.

Not hearing any answer, I pushed the door open, and went inside.

I almost let out a scream at the sight before me.

Because sitting directly in front of me, was a broken Fabian with red, puffy eyes and bloody wrists, a sight I knew all too well.

Almost immediately, the voice in the back of my head piped up.

'_Well, look at what you made him do.'_

* * *

**Oh no! And no, this will not become a Fabian centric story. Well, thank you for reading.**

**First quote: You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift**

**Second quote: Cold As You by Taylor Swift**

**Third quote: All Too Well by Taylor Swift (I seem to be detecting a definite pattern here)**

**And I would like to confess my love for Smiley612. Okay, bye!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Alright, well, I'm sorry this is so short. I just could hardly concentrate on anything after I found out something. **

**You know who you are, I turned off my iMessages and I don't plan on turning them back on soon.**

**Thank you (: **

**Dedication: To anyone who has ever self harmed. My secret is about to be exposed thanks to some people so I'm sorry if this is the last chapter for a while.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned House of Anubis it wouldn't be able to be on Nickelodeon. **

* * *

_Who you are is not who you've been_

_You're still an innocent_

* * *

"No no no no no no no," I say as I run towards Fabian, taking a hold of his wrists.

Fabian is just looking down, tears streaming down his face.

"Fabian," I say, and he looks at me, "don't turn to self harm. It takes over your entire life."

He nods, and looks back down at the floor again.

"It was because you hated the way you were treating me, wasn't it?" I ask softly.

He nods again, almost shamefully. I knew it. I knew I made him do this to himself.

'_You monster. You made someone else cut himself. You're a freaking monster.'_

"Do you want me to go get Nina?"

His head shots up faster than lightning, and he quickly says, "No!"

I raise my eyebrows at him, awaiting an explanation.

"If Nina finds out… she'll hate me. Can you please keep this between us?" Fabian asked, his voice cracking a little.

"Then I'll do it," I say, reaching out my hand to Fabian.

Even though Fabian looks at me confused, he takes it and I pull him into the bathroom.

I shut the door and I start looking for the gauze and Neosporin, bending over.

"You know, your girlfriend-," I get cut off by Fabian gasping.

"What?" I ask, standing up after finding them in a cabinet.

"What was that, on your hip?" he asks.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." I lie, turning my back to him to get the cap off the Neosporin.

"I definitely saw something, Amber," Fabian says, before pulling up the hem of my shirt.

I could hear him almost stop breathing, because on that hip, there were many different red lines, all different shapes and shades.

"Amber…" he trails off, just looking.

"I'm sorry," I say, looking down.

Fabian tears his eyes away from my hip, and asks me why I'm sorry.

"My hip…"

He sighed, and then wrapped me in a hug.

"It's not your fault."

I let out a few tears before pulling back.

"Thank you," I smile. "Now, it's time to clean you up."

I cleaned his wrist and put the Neosporin and gauze on it.

"Thank you, Amber," Fabian says before pulling me into another hug.

"I think there's some towels in here, Trudy," we hear Jerome say before he opens the door to the bathroom, seeing me and Fabian.

"Oh, hello guys," Jerome says, surprised.

After pulling out of Fabian's embrace, we both say hi back.

"What's going on here?" Jerome asks.

"We-e, ummmm," Fabian stutters, before I blurt out,

"Oh no, Fabian, he caught us!"

Fabian and Jerome both look at me completely confused.

"Fabian and I are in a secret affair. You cannot tell anyone!"

Fabian looks at me like I have four heads, and Jerome has a look of total confusion.

"Yes, now, if you will excuse us, we have some couply things to do together," I say, taking a hold of Fabians hand and pulling him out of the bathroom, leaving Jerome in total confusion.

* * *

_I was there_

_when we said forever and always_

* * *

So, I have this friend who doesn't go the boarding school. Once night, I decided to introduce him to Nina and they really hit it off.

Well, last night, that all changed.

Nate, my friend, is not the most confident person ever. He always feels as if he's annoying someone or everyone hates him, stuff like that.

Nate also has this humongous crush on Nina, and she knows it. He's asked her out twice, and she has declined both times, as she's in love with Fabian.

The sad part is, Nate is almost 100% sure she's making her relationship up. He's seen about a million pictures (thanks to me of course), but he's almost sure they're all staged because she doesn't want to go out with him.

It's starting to get super annoying.

He needs to build up more self-confidence.

I know, I'm a hypocrite, but at least I don't go around telling people how much I think they hate me.

At least not out loud.

Anyway, last night they got in a fight over something stupid.

But it was really horrible.

I couldn't help but think it had something to do with me.

After that night, I will never underestimate the power of cutting.

Like, ever.

It was like all my emotions just came out of me after that first cut. It was the most amazing power ever.

The last thought I had before I fell asleep that night was,

'_You're such a conceited bitch. You should kill yourself'_

* * *

**First quote: Innocent by T. Swift.**

**Second quote: Forever and Always by T. Swizzle **

**you're not sorry, no no no**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hello hello. I'm sorry for making you wait this long...**

**There's Jamber. Big. Time. Jamber. **

**Thanks for everything. **

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own House of Anubis. If I did, no Mabian, no KT and there would be about 4000 make out scenes per week. I know, I'm a perv. hehehe.**

* * *

_Way you walk_

_way you talk_

_way you say my name_

* * *

The art party wasn't actually that bad. Maybe I do overreact.

'_Of course you do. Have you met yourself?'_

Now it was time for English. We were doing this project on food shopping, and we're getting into groups today. Thankfully, our teacher was putting us into them.

So, I got lucky enough to be in a group with Eddie, Joy, and Jerome.

Jerome, of all people.

And I was lucky enough to sit next to him.

I started giggling, for no reason at all. This was so awkward.

"What's so funny, Amber?" Jerome asked.

I just shrugged, still laughing a little.

"Amber, I am about to go over there and attack you."

"Yes, please do that," I replied to Jerome.

Eddie looked bored and like he wants to be somewhere else. He was staring at Patricia, who was put into a group with Fabian, Nina, and Alfie. Typical.

Joy was looking down at the sheet, and she looked at me like I was a freak.

'_I don't blame her.'_

I then cleared my throat and bit my lip, hoping to suppress the giggling.

"Okay, so a problem could be outside expenses," I said, starting the list.

Everyone writes it down, and I started thinking.

Then Jerome adds, "Another problem could be the kind of foods. If there's bad bacon, I'm obviously not going to eat it."

I started giggling a little more.

"Amber, what is so funny?"

I shrug again.

"Amber, I will come to your house in the night and attack you with bad bacon. Bad bacon is nothing to laugh about," Jerome says, a little smile on his face.

"I can't wait for that to happen, considering this is my last night in the house." That was true. I was leaving tomorrow, a day early. Daddy wanted to talk to me about something.

Our English teacher came over to our table and crouched down to hand me a pass.

"Amber, you have to go down to guidance."

I look at Jerome for a quick second, and we lock eyes, before looking back at the teacher.

"Okay," I say, unsure of why they needed me.

He hands me the pass, and I get up, gathering all my stuff. Jerome and I lock eyes one more time, and I head out the classroom door.

I hope Jerome couldn't tell how much I love him.

I walk into the counseling office, and I am pointed to an office. There's an old lady sitting behind the desk, and she motions for me to sit to down.

"Hello, Amber. My name is Angela, and I heard something about you," she says.

I raise my eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Someone came to me and told me that you were cutting your stomach."

I furrowed my eyebrows, and came up with a lie.

"What? No. I only did it to my arm once, and it's almost healed."

She asks to see my arm, and tells me a way for the scars to disappear.

We have a little talk, mostly about school and if there's anyone bothering me. She tells me that I should join a team, or a group. I tell her I'm over sensitive.

I'm pretty sure that is one of the only times I did not lie.

After about thirty minutes, I am free to go. I run out, and into the bathroom.

Who would do that?

I thought I could trust Nina and Fabian.

Well, I guess not.

* * *

_And I can't trust anything now_

_... he will try to take away my pain..._

* * *

"Hey, Amber!" a voice calls out to me, as I'm walking home.

I turn and there's Jerome.

"Hi, Jerome," I say, and continue walking. He keeps in pace with me.

"You okay?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?"

"I can tell you're lying. What's wrong, Amber?" he asks, stopping, and pulling me to a stop also.

I look up at him. "What?"

"What's wrong Amber? You're upset about something, and I want to make you feel better."

"Why would you care about me? No one does."

And with that, I run, leaving a confused Jerome behind me.

"Amber!" he calls after me, but I keep running.

I run into the house and straight into my room.

Fabian and Nina are sitting on her bed, probably doing homework or something.

I take a step away.

"Hello, Amber," they greet me in unison.

I close the door, before saying, "Who was it?"

They share a look, confused. "Who did what?"

"Who told the guidance counselor? I thought I could trust everyone I told. If you two didn't do it, I'll ask Frank and Joy. Who. Was. It?"

"It was me." Nina said.

I looked at her. "What?"

She looked at me, regret in her eyes. "I'm sorry Amber. I did it."

I just stood there, and Fabian started talking.

"No, she can't take all the blame for this. I was the one that told her to do it. Frank sent her a picture, and she got upset-," I don't hear him finish before running out.

I run into the bathroom and shut the door.

Nina told her.

Nina.

The very last person I would suspect. Of course.

But then Fabian and Frank had something to do with it too, which means everyone but Joy had something to do with this.

Someone opens the door. It's Nina.

"Amber, please just let me explain!"

I just look at her, and run out the door and downstairs.

I wasn't even sure of where I was going. I ran into the common room, looking for him, but he wasn't there. I ran out of the room, and knocked on his bedroom door.

Thankfully, he opens the door. I wrap my arms around him, still sobbing.

Instead of pushing me away like I was afraid he might, he wrapped his arms around me, pulled me into the room, and closed the door.

"Shhh, shh, Amber, it's okay" Jerome says, with his fingers combing my hair.

"No, it's not. It will never be again," and with that, a fresh round of sobs erupt.

We just stand there, me sobbing, and him whispering words of comfort to me.

* * *

**First quote: 'Hey Stephen'**

**Second Quote: 'Haunted'**

**Both by Taylor Swift.**


	7. Chapter 6

**You're all going to hate me after this chapter. Hahaha. **

**I AM GOING TO SEE BIG TIME RUSH IN EXACTLY TWO WEEKS AHHHHHH**

**Thank you for all your reviews, favorites, and follows. I love you all!**

**Dedication: my friend Kelly. Thank you. **

**Disclaimer: Do not own House of Anubis!**

* * *

_Think you could walk on such a thin line_

* * *

Jerome and I stood there for a few minutes, before I pulled away.

"Amber, what happened?"Jerome asked me softly

I looked down. "It seems as if almost all of my friends have gone behind my back."

"Why would they want to do that to such a pretty girl?"

I looked up again, into Jerome's eyes. He was blushing.

"I-I mean, why would anyone want to do that to you?" Jerome stammered out.

I shrugged. "It seems as if Joy is the only one that didn't do anything wrong."

"I think it would help me understand if you told me what happened," Jerome told me.

I shook my head, and a few more tears fell down.

"You don't have to," he said quickly, noticing the tears.

I just shook my head again. If I told him, he would never talk to me again.

"Hey, Amber, look at me," Jerome says.

I look up at him, and he begins talking.

"Amber, even though I don't know what happened, I can promise you your life isn't over. Whatever Nina and I'm guessing Fabian did, you can get through this. You're beautiful, and you're going to find somebody who treats you right."

Now, I don't know who leaned in first, but all I do know is Jerome and I kissed.

Once we pulled away, we just stood there, looking into each other's eyes.

"Oh, so this is your game? Kissing your ex-boyfriend's best friend?" a voice sounded from the door.

Jerome and I both turn to see Alfie standing there, looking extremely mad.

"No, Alfie, it's not what it looks like," I try to tell him.

"It's exactly what it looks like. Why can't you just understand I'm with Willow now, slut?"

I look at Jerome, who looks like he's about to punch someone.

"I am not a slut," I say quietly to Alfie.

Alfie rolls his eyes. "Please, I know you fancy Fabian too. I know you were in the bathroom with him. Hooking up with him, maybe?"

I could feel the tears rolling down my eyes. "He needed help with something and I could only help him with it in the bathroom!"

Alfie rolls his eyes again. "Likely story. Fabian and Nina are looking for you. They are both crying, so I bet you did something to upset them, slut."

"Alfie, who knew you, could be so cold!" I say back to him.

"I'm only mean to people who deserve it," he replies.

"Get out," Jerome says, quietly.

"What?" I ask him, thinking he's talking about me.

"You heard me, get out, Alfie," Jerome says, more loudly.

"This is my room too, Jerome. Why don't you make that freaking bitch over there go?"

"She can stay. You're the one that's fucking messed up!" Jerome swears, seething with anger.

"I'm the messed up one? You're the one that hooked up with the class slut!"

I had had enough.

"Thanks, Jerome, but I have to go," I run out.

I grab my coat, put on my shoes, and run outside. It was raining, how appropriate.

My feet started running, and I had no idea where I was going. I just had to get away. My feet took me to the 'Sibuna' clearing in the woods. I curled up into a ball on the ground, and immediately started sobbing.

Who knew people could be so cruel? No one ever told you that when you were younger. When you're little, you think everything is funny, you have nothing to regret, and you don't get called names.

Alfie had hit a really soft spot. I hate being called a slut. Now, this is something nobody knows about me.

The person I call daddy now is not my real dad.

My real dad, Thomas Woods, used to abuse me. Even though I was only three, he would still get mad that I couldn't walk, couldn't talk, couldn't do anything hardly. He would call me a slut almost every day for no reason at all. Sure, he called me other things, but that's the thing that affected me the most for some reason. The scar on my hip, everyone that knows my secret thinks I did it, but it was from him slamming a beer bottle on the table that I was standing right next to. Not even my mother knows he did this to me.

Thomas Woods walked out of our life when he learned that my mom was pregnant again, with my little brother.

I haven't heard from him since, and I'm sure I don't want to.

Once my mom married my step dad, David Millington, he became like my real father. He would do anything I needed, and soon we became even closer than my mom and I.

His co-worker is the father of Nate.

I started sobbing even harder when I thought of Nate.

He freaking betrayed me. He knew that I didn't want Nina to see that picture.

Then Nina had that nightmare, and told Fabian.

Fabian told Nina to go to the counselor to talk about it. I guess the nightmare was really bad.

But Nina didn't have to put my name into it. She could've left my name out of it.

She also knew that Joy knows my secret and would be more than happy to talk to Nina and try to help her.

I can't trust anyone now, except Joy. I find it strange, because she is the last person I would ever expect to help me.

'_Kill yourself.'_

I gasped at that thought. I never had one that was that straight forward.

'_You know you want to!'_

'_Look, there are even pills in your pocket!_

'_Just do it! No one gives a damn about you!'_

'_No one likes you. Not even your own father.'_

'_Jerome was just kidding himself; of course he doesn't like you. He only kissed you because he felt sorry for you!'_

Then I heard Alfie's voice. _'Slut!'_

I don't even remember pulling out the pills, or dumping them all into my hand.

'_Go ahead. No one will miss you.' _

I started by putting two in my mouth.

'_Oh, that's all you got? Put more in.' _

I did as commanded, and soon enough they were all in my body.

I lied back down, and soon enough I started feeling really tired.

I let my eyes droop, and before I was emerged into total darkness, I heard the voice.

'_Finally, you did the right thing!'_

* * *

**Poor Amber. I feel evil. **

**Anyone who reviews will get a few lines of the next chapter. This isn't me trying to get more reviews, I promise. I just want to give back to all my lovelies! If thats not how you spell it, I'm sorry.**

**Quote: Mistake by Demi Lovato**


	8. Chapter 7

**Helloo guys! I wasn't going to update until tomorrow, but I couldn't help myself. **

**Then I'm going to write some tomorrow, I might update, but ummmmmm yeah. **

**GUYS, OVER FIFTY REVIEWS? THANK YOU! Thank you for your favorites and alerts, also! **

**Disclaimer: House of Anubis would be turned into probably an all romance show if I owned it, so, as you can tell, I do not own HOA.**

* * *

_All the girls that you run dry,_

_have tired, lifeless eyes, _

_'cause you burned_

_them out_

* * *

My eyes fluttered open. All I could see was this blurry blob, but I could just make out this man on top of me. My bottom half felt strangely open, but the man noticed I was awake and coaxed me back into sleep, forgetting everything.

**Joy's POV**

I guess I was the only one that saw or heard Amber run out.

Fabian and Nina had come in a few minutes ago with tears running down both their faces, asking where Amber was. Alfie had gotten up and gone to look for her, and I guess he found her. Jerome was in his room, Patricia and Eddie were in Eddie's room, doing who knows what, and Mara and Willow were in our room.

I was waiting for Amber to come back, thinking she was only going out for a little fresh air, but after an hour, I got worried. I was afraid she did something horrible to herself.

I signed out and put on my shoes and coat. It was raining out, so I hoped Amber wasn't hurt.

I began walking around and calling her name, but when there was no answer after fifteen minutes, I became anxious.

What if she got kidnapped by a maniac? What if she's dead on the side of the road?

I walked farther into the woods, and came to this clearing. I almost tripped over something, and thought it was a branch or something, but when I looked at it even closer, I realized I was way off.

"Amber!" I gasped, bending down.

Her chest was barely moving, and she wasn't responding to me.

_Oh crap._

My eyes flew to the pill bottle next to her, the one her head ache medicine was in. It was close to being full yesterday, where did the rest go?

I whipped out my cell phone and called for an ambulance. After the operator said it was on its way, I called Trudy to tell her Amber and I would be a while.

The ambulance came and loaded Amber onto a stretcher. Normally, you can only have family, but they let me ride with her since we live in the same house. They were yelling all sorts of commands at each other, and I heard the words "we're losing her!" a few times. But, thankfully, they were able to stabilize her again.

Once we got to the hospital, I was put into the doctor who would be taking care of Amber's office. I had to wait a very long time, wondering about if Amber was okay, before her doctor came in.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Alexander," he introduced himself as, sticking out his hand.

"Hi, my name is Joy," I said, taking his hand and shaking it.

He went over to his desk and did one of those lean-on-his-desk sort of thing. "Well, Joy, I'm sure you want to know what happened to your friend."

I nodded, and he cast his gaze down.

"We think that Amber tried to commit suicide."

I gasped. "What?"

He finally looked back up at me. "At first, we thought that she had been out in the rain too long, but when we found an excessive amount of Propranolol, the medication her primary doctor gave her for headaches, in her blood stream, we realized that was not the case."

Now I was the one to look down. How could I be so stupid?

"That and the number of scars and cuts on her hip, stomach, and left arm helped us reach that conclusion. We also believe she has had some type of sexual intercourse, as there is a developing zygote in there."

I looked up so fast that my neck hurt. "That doesn't make sense. She once told me she was afraid of sex, and she wouldn't even consider doing anything like that now."

Doctor Alexander held up his hand. "You didn't let me finish. When finding out Amber is pregnant, or at least going to be, we performed a couple of tests on her, and we can confirm that she was raped."

I gasped again.

"We think he may have done it when Amber was by herself, before you showed up. That's why the baby is only a couple of cells big."

I nodded. "When do you think we'll be able to see her?"

He sighed. "Right now, nurses and doctors are working on seeing if the overdose has affected the baby. I would have to say at least tomorrow afternoon, at least for a couple of minutes."

"Do you think she'll live?"

He sighed again. "Right now, there's about a 75% chance she will survive. As long as her heart doesn't stop, again, or her brain decides to shut down, she'll be fine."

I nodded again. "Thank you. I should be getting back to the house, tell everyone the news."

He stuck out his hand again, and I shook it. "It was nice meeting you, Joy."

"You too," I flash him a fake smile and walked out of his office.

Amber…

She tried to kill herself, and I was determined to find out who did this.

The ride on the bus was very boring. I sat next to this blonde haired man, who looked at me a little creepy. I just shrugged away from him and thought about Amber.

After the bus dropped me off a little ways from the house, I ran back into it. Thankfully, it was only eight o'clock at night, so I could tell everyone, and hopefully get some answers.

"Joy! Where have you been?" Trudy asks me as I go running into the common room.

"I'll explain everything in a few minutes. Where is everybody?"

"I think Patricia, Alfie, Nina, and Fabian are all in Nina and Amber's room. Eddie and Mara are working on something for the website in her room, Willow is with them, and Jerome is in his room. Why?"

"Can't explain now, thanks Trudy!" I run out of the common room and to Jerome's room.

"Jerome!"

He opens his door and he looks disgruntled. "Joy?"

"Please go out and wait in the common room for everyone! Thank you!" I say, and then turn, and run up the stairs.

I get Mara, Eddie, and Willow next, who look confused but followed my orders.

I stopped in front of Nina and Amber's room next, but decided to listen for a second when I heard Alfie say Amber's name.

"Amber is such a little slut," I hear him say.

"No she's not," I hear a tiny voice say. I think it was Nina.

"Yes, she is, Nina. She can get any boy at all, with no effort. She even was kissing Jerome in our room earlier."

"Maybe she had a good reason…?" Fabian said, making it sound like a question.

"Don't play innocent, Fabian," Alfie said, "We all know that she pulled you into the bathroom to seduce you."

I heard Nina gasp. "Fabian, is this true?"

"No, she was helping me with something, not trying to do whatever to me!"

"Help you cheat on Nina, maybe?" Patricia snarls.

"She wasn't doing anything like that! I had… I did something stupid and Amber helped me. For privacy, we went into the bathroom!"

"What did you do Fabian? I bet you wouldn't do something like cut yourself. I bet that slut does that too. It's so pathetic." Alfie asked him.

Well, that solves that. Before Fabian could respond, I opened the door.

"Joy?" they all say, surprised.

"Yes. There is a house meeting downstairs. I'm sure at least one of you has noticed Amber isn't here."

"That's why it was so quiet," Alfie mumbles under his breath.

"Alfie, shut up," I say, glaring at him. He holds his hands up in surrender and walks out the door, the rest of them filing behind him.

We all shuffle into the common room, where Eddie, Mara, Willow, Jerome, Trudy, and even Victor are waiting.

"Joy, where is Amber?" Trudy asks me softly after everyone sits down.

"Well, at first, I thought this was going to suck, having to tell you, but after hearing some things from a certain someone," I glare at Alfie, "this shouldn't affect everyone badly."

Everyone looks at me with a confused expression on their face, so I take a deep breath and begin.

"Earlier, around four, I noticed Amber run out the front door. At first, I thought she was getting some fresh air, but when she was gone for about an hour, I got worried and went to look for her. After looking for her for about twenty minutes, I finally found her in the pouring rain with hardly any clothes on, her chest barely moving, and an empty pill bottle next to her."

I hear everyone gasp, and I look Alfie straight in the face. He casts his gaze downwards, not wanting to look me in the eye.

"What I'm trying to say is, Amber tried to kill herself."

* * *

**Preview, sneak peek thingie again? Okay.**

**Quote: 'Dear John' by Taylor Swift**


	9. Chapter 8

**Yes, I know I told someone I wasn't updating this until 10 but I thought 'hey whatever' and its 8:34 so close enough. **

**If you don't ship Fabina, I don't think you should the ending of this chapter except the last line. And we can't be friends. **

**Thank you for your reviews, favorites, and alerts!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned House of Anubis, there would've been way more cabinet/closet scenes AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT FABINA DID AFTER THEY CLOSED THE CABINET DOORS. **

* * *

_No one notices_

_until its too late to do anything_

* * *

There were gasps heard around the room.

"She tried to what?"

"No! Not Amber!"

"How did we not notice?"

Everyone was speaking at once, trying to be heard over the others.

"HEY!" I shouted loudly, and everyone looked at me.

"Now, I heard some very interesting things come out of someone's mouth, earlier," I glared at Alfie again, "but that doesn't matter. What matters is everyone took a part in this. It wasn't just one persons fault. I don't know who the hell pushed her over the edge, but we will find out soon enough."

Mara raised her hand, tears evident in her eyes.

"Yes, Mara?"

"Is she alive?"

I sighed. "Yes, for the time being, but her doctor said her heart could stop or her brain could shut down-again."

Mara nodded, and then I looked around again.

"Amber was also found in the woods before I came and was raped."

There go the gasps again.

"She's pregnant, or is going to be, as long as she doesn't shut down or something. Being as it only happened a little while beforehand, it's barely even a zygote.

We all have to band together to try to help Amber get through this. Nina and Fabian, I don't know a damn thing about what you did, but I bet it was a cause to all this. And, Alfie, I don't know why the hell you would ever say anything along those lines, but I am almost certain what you said will not be forgiven in a long time."

Everyone's eyes turned to Alfie, who seemed to shrink in the chair he was in. He looked guilty and regretful. Good.

"And the worst part? No one noticed how broken she was. Not a single soul. Sure, she told Nina, Fabian, and I some of it, but she didn't come to us. Someone could've stopped her and no one did. I hope you're happy."

I stopped talking then and sat in a chair.

Trudy put her hand to her heart and ran out. Victor just gumbled about 'stupid teenagers' or something and left the room.

Patricia and Eddie were sitting in a chair. Patricia was crying, while I could see Eddie was doing his best not to let go of his reputation. Patricia had her head buried in Eddie's shoulder, trying not to let anyone see the tears.

Next to them was Jerome. He had his head in his hands, and not letting himself care that we could see him crying. He seemed like his old self again.

Then there was Mara, who was almost in hysterics, she was sobbing that hard.

Alfie was just sitting there, letting the tears fall down freely. Good, he deserves it. I could tell by the way he sounded in Nina's room how much pain he must've put her through.

Willow was next to Alfie, kind of pushing herself away from him. I don't blame her. He's a monster. She was crying, too, even more than when she found out Jerome was cheating on her.

Speaking of Nina, she was in hysterics. Her sobs were louder than anyone else's. She must really feel horrible. Fabian had his arms wrapped around Nina, and he was also crying. He kept glancing down at his wrists, which was strange considering they were covered with a…

Oh.

_Oh. _

It all makes sense now.

Fabian, he hurt himself that one time, and Amber helped him in the bathroom.

I felt a surge of anger towards Alfie, especially because of what he said about both being a cutter and Amber trying to seduce Fabian.

"Joy?" a small voice asked me.

"Yes?" I look over at Jerome, who had red, puffy eyes.

"Was Amber ever… suicidal before this?"

"Yes. She cut her stomach, hip, and arm, and I do think she had suicidal thoughts before this too," I answered as truthfully as I could.

He nods, more tears falling down.

"I... I have to go," Alfie says, getting up and walking into his bedroom.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He had to run away when things got tough.

Looking over at Patricia and Eddie, I saw that Eddie had Patricia fully on his lap and had her in a bear hug looking thing. She still had her head on his shoulder.

Jerome was just this gigantic mess. Which was weird, because I didn't know he cared about Amber. They always seemed like opposites.

Willow and Mara had escaped behind Alfie, up to their room. They weren't crying anymore, but you could tell they were still upset by the way they were sniffling as they walked past us.

Nina, thankfully, had let up a little. She wasn't bawling as hard anymore, but she was still crying quite a bit. It must be the most horrible feeling ever, knowng your best friend has just done this to herself and you couldn't help. Fabian still had tears rolling down his face, but not as constant as they were. He looked as if he was having an inner war, between crying and looking down at his wrists and Nina. I honetly wouldn't be surprised if Fabian couldn't breath, Nina was hugging him so tight. She had her face fully smushed into the crook of Fabian's neck and you could see the marks on his shirt from her tears.

"Hey, Fabian?" Patricia asked, looking up and over at Fabian.

"Yes?" he looked from the back of Nina's head to Patricia.

"What was Alfie talking about earlier?" her voice cracking a little.

Fabian immediately paled and looked down. "Nothing."

Nina sat up and looked at him, tilting her head. "It sure didn't sound like nothing," her voice cracking too.

"I'd rather not talk about it right now," he responded.

Then he made the mistake of looking at his wrists, which were covered by his long-sleeved shirt, and Nina immediately caught him.

"Then would you mind showing me your wrists?" she asked, her voice demanding, but kind of scared like she knew what was going on.

Fabian's mouth dropped open but he closed it quickly. "Wrists? Why would you want to see my wrists? There's nothing exciting...about...them."

It was too late. Nina had already folded up his sleeve, exposing his wrists, that had little, almost faded red marks all over them.

"Fabian...," Nina's voice whispered, looking at her boyfriends wrists. She had a pure look of horror on her face.

He was looking down, ashamed. Patricia had let out a little gasp; she hadn't been expecting that. Eddie simply let out a sigh and held Patrcia even tighter. Jerome put his head back into his hands.

Nina looked back into Fabian's eyes and you could see the tears glistening in them.

"I'm sorry...," Fabian muttered, picking at a string on his shirt.

Nina hugged him, which you could tell caught him off guard by the way he hesitated before hugging her back.

"No, no, I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. Was it only one time?"

"Yeah, Amber caught me and took me into the bathroom to help fix me up. When Jerome walked in, she made up a lie about how we were in a secret affair or something," Fabian said, stroking Nina's hair.

Nina pulled back and smiled at him. "I'm proud of you, Fabian."

Before he could ask why, Trudy came running in.

"Dearies, that was the hospital. Amber's showing signs of brain activity, and should be awake soon!"

* * *

**Quote: The Outside by (surprise surprise) Taylor Swift. I'm going to start doing Demi Lovato and Big Time Rush...**

***evil laugh* if y'all read Don't Be Afraid by Smiley612 she told me stuff and it's going to be an amazing ending... maybeeeee**

**I can't give you guys a sneak peek of the next chapter because it would just get too confuzzling without italics but I can tell you... Amber wakes up! **


	10. Chapter 9

**This thing was 2,400 plus words and the longest thing I think I've ever written. **

**TOGETHER, ITHINKIMFALLINGFORYOUYACKER AND I HAVE BRATHALIA! She has Brad's autograph and I have Nat's so BRATHALIA! **

**Yes. Kendall Schmidt is used in this chapter and so is Big Time Rush but they're not going to be used much.**

**Thank you for reviews, alerts, and favorites! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis or Big Time Rush. **

* * *

_So young_

_when the pain had begun_

* * *

**Amber's POV**:

Drawing in a big breath, I felt like I was awake again. I was almost sure I was awake from the way my head was pounding from the headache inside it.

When I opened my eyes and looked around, all I could see was white.

"Hello?" I called, looking around and not seeing anyone.

I looked down at my outfit. Surprise surprise, I was standing in a white dress that went down to right above my knees.

"Well I guess I'm alone," I muttered to myself. I looked around again, seeing if there was any thing at all, but there was nothing.

I sighed and started singing random words that popped into my head to myself.

"Oh, when the lights go down in the city, you'll be right there shining bright. You're a star and the skies the limit, and I'll be right by your side. Oh, you know, you're not invisible to me, oh, you know you're not going to be invisible..." I sang quietly, walking around.

"Singing is not going to help you with anything."

I jumped, startled by the new voice. Slowly turning around, I faced where the voice was coming from.

There was a boy standing there, maybe twenty-two or three. He had blonde hair, piercing green eyes, and bushy eyebrows. He looked vaguely familiar.

He chuckled, and stuck out his hand after saying," Hello, I'm Kendall."

I shook his hand, and he started talking.

"I can tell you think you've seen me somewhere before this, and it's because you have. Those lyrics you were just singing, they're from the band I'm in. Anyway, I can tell you this place is not where you'll be for long. You'll be on earth again soon. Do you remember why you're here?"

I thought for a minute, but shook my head after not coming up with anything.

He sighed. "Well, that just made my job a lot worse."

I tilted my head.

"My job is to show you all your memories that caused you to... Caused you to almost kill yourself. My job is to protect you, almost like what Eddie has to with Nina."

I opened my mouth, but he it was as if he read my mind.

"Eddie is Nina's osirian, correct?" He didn't wait for a reply, he just kept talking. "Well, in a way I am too, just for you, and in a more complicated way. For me to be able to talk to you like this, my human body has to be taken over by a spirit. Since Eddie and Nina both, well when they're not screwing around with their girlfriend or boyfriend, since they both normally are at rest at the same time, they can talk through dreams. But since we are on opposite sides of the world, well yeah. Like I said before, do you have any memories before coming here?"

I shook my head again.

He sat down on a chair. that had magically appeared. "I'm not allowed to be with you for the memory viewing, but I am going to be watching you and I will talk to you afterwards about going back. Before I do to, I have to tell you: your name is Amber Lynn Millington. You are nearly seventeen years of age. Your birthday is the eighth of May. Your best friends were Nina Martin, Fabian Rutter, and Joy Mercer, but after an incident, I could only tell you to trust Joy now. You are here after taking almost an entire bottle of pills and you were raped before Joy found you lying in the woods. You are becoming pregnant and as long as your human body doesn't die, you should give birth to a healthy boy or girl. You are allowed to cry, get angry, scream, laugh, anything at the things I am about to show you. I was told to play music to help you remember and such. Any questions?"

I shook my head, not willing to speak.

Kendall stuck out his hand, and I hesitantly took it and allowed him to lead me into what I think was the middle of the room. It had this raised platform on it and was, what a surprise, white.

He led me up the steps and into the middle, and then sent me a small smile and left the room. I heard some music coming out of here, and it sounded very familiar.

"Alright, Amber, we will start with images of your young life, then move on to audio without picture or picture without audio. After a long while of this, we will start showing picture with audio. After introducing you to that, we will just do a big mixture of everything," Kendall's voice came down to me.

I just nodded, not really paying attention. I was focused on the song more than him.

Why did the line me _'Something in his deep brown eyes has me seeing he's not all bad like his reputation, and I can't see one single word they say_' have such a strong effect on me? Why did it remind so much of... Of someone named Jerome?

I took a step back, and then I heard Kendall's voice.

"Hi, Amber. You're supposed to be focusing on what's in front of you, not what's going in your mind. So if you... Oh so you remembered Jerome?" Kendall's voice asked, astonished.

I nodded.

"He is your love. You two kissed right before your incident. You'll get to him later. Please try to focus now."

I nodded again, and the music got louder again. This song gave me chills.

The first image came in front of me, then the next, and the next, and for the first fifteen or so they were all baby photos. Then a picture of my mother, father, and I came up on the screen thing.

Looking at it made my heart speed up and my breathing got heavier. My gaze landed on my fathers face and this strange sense of fear washed over me. I didn't understand why, though. The man was smiling, and he looked just like me.

Then there was a movie without the sound.

The man I presumed was my father was... I think he was yelling at this little blonde toddler. When he hit her, I gasped.

That little blonde girl was me and that man is my father. What was his name?

Thomas Woods.

Then an audio file came on, along with a black screen.

"I love my daughter more than anything!" my father's voice exclaimed.

"Get over here, you fucking slut, and bring my damn beer," the same voice said, only coated with hatred and anger. Then there was a slapping sound.

"I'm sorry daddy, I didn't mean to do that!" young me almost pleaded.

There were more slapping sounds and a few cries for help, which weren't answered.

Then there was an image without the sound of me standing next to my father. There were other people around, and it looked like we were at a family get together sort of thing. We were getting ready to take a picture.

My father said something to me, and I nodded quickly. When the picture was about to be taken, the perspective changed. Now it was like I was standing in front of the person with the camera and looking at the people. My father put his arm on my back, and even though young me was smiling, I could see the fear in my eyes.

The scenes started changing faster and faster. More abuse from my dad, when my dad walked out, meeting my step dad, my mom marrying my step dad, bonding with my step dad, grade one to grade eight mess ups, screw ups, and awkwardness with friends, teachers, adults, acne, braces, and glasses.

Finally, finally we made it to my teen years.

I was watching a movie without the sound. My limo had just stopped in front of this big, scary looking house.

I recognized that place almost immediately. It was the House of Anubis.

My first year passed by pretty quickly. I met Fabian, Patricia, Alfie, Joy, Mick, Mara, and Jerome. Other than always chasing Mick, because I fancied him, I was alone. Mara was my room-mate, but she was also good friends with Jerome and Joy. We didn't spend much time together.

Then the holiday between the terms came up.

Finally, a picture with sound!

I was standing in my bedroom door and my mom was about to put my little brother and sister, Lorenzo and Katelyn (I call her Kate or Katie) to bed.

"How come you ended up disappearing for like five hours today?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Well, don't. Join the family," she said, and looked at me again before disappearing into Lorenzo and Kate's bedroom.

I went into mine, and I immediately started crying.

I remember feeling totally worthless and I knew I had disappointed my mother. That was the first night I had cut myself.

After that, little images of the rest of my summer came along.

Second term came around, and Mick and I were back and stronger than ever. This was when I started feeling a little depressed, and I confided in Mara, my roommate then. She just laughed it off and said, "Amber, you're not depressed."

All of the sudden, Patricia's best friend Joy had disappeared and this new girl, Nina, came and took her spot.

Fabian was the first one to say 'hi' to her, and then I knew he was totally memorized by her.

After that it seemed like all a blur. I hadn't cut myself too much that year, being wrapped up in the 'cup of ankh' thing. Images and movies kept being thrown at me. Of me starting 'Sibuna', of me fighting with Mara, me picking Nina and Fabian as prom king and queen and making Alfie watch them with me.

That year I at least felt part of something. I didn't feel weird, or out of place. Well, not that often, but at least I didn't cut... until next term.

The summer flew by in a few snapshots and movies but that's it.

Third term had started and Mick was leaving. He was going to this top sports school in Australia. Then it showed Fabian and Nina running off on 'Amfie and Fabina's double date!' and them announcing they had broken up the next morning. I, of course, freaked out and blamed myself and Alfie. It showed little snippits of the quest but that's it.

I think the realization of everything made me totally crash. It made me cut myself more than ever.

It showed me running in on Fabina's kiss, on them holding hands, Nina and Fabian finding out about my cutting, Eddie coming, Peddie becoming one of my OTP's, and all the moments I had cut or scratched myself in between.

The time in between those terms were hell. My mom found out about my cutting. I had made my mother cry, and that is something I never want to make her do again. It had me talking to a counselor, claiming only to have cut myself once and it never drew blood. Biggest lie of my life. My mom pretty much forgot about it, and I moved on and just hurt myself even more.

The last and final term started. I was shown movies and images of everything. This girl Willow moving in, and her being totally obsessed with me. It's not that I don't like her, I just would rather be alone than anything. Joy finding out, and becoming one of my best friends. It showed the car ride from Panera with Fabian and Nina. It showed the time I walked in on Fabian and Alfie, and them yelling at me. It also showed the time I found Fabian cutting himself and took him into the bathroom. It had me failing miserably at volleyball. It showed me not eating lunch and hardly eating anything. It show me being humiliated in French class. That made me feel a little better, by knowing I helped somebody.

But then, Nate, Fabian, and Nina all freaking teamed up and used my own secrets against me by telling the counselor. The video also showed Nina saying she had a nightmare, but I didn't care and ran out. Even after seeing everything again, I still don't forgive her. I ran into Jerome's room and he calmed me down. We kissed, and Alfie came in and called me names that I couldn't hear.

That was when I had run out the door and curled up into a ball. I just lied there before taking out my pills and attempting suicide. The screen went black again, but a blurred clip came back on and showed a man on top of me before fading out again.

_'I think I even saw Cupid flying 'round'_ the song went, and my ears perked up. That song was called... 'Confetti Falling' and was by the band Kendall was in, Big... Big Time...

"Big Time Rush, thank you very much," Kendall's voice called out behind me. I turned around and looked at him.

"You're taking this better than most people would. Now, before you go, I have to tell you that there aren't that many people you can trust. Joy is very trustworthy. Nina, even though she doesn't seem like it anymore, you can trust her. Same goes for Fabian. Our time is almost up. My band and I are coming to Liverpool in a few days. We'll come visit, but in the meantime you tell no one about me. Now," he said pacing around me.

I looked at him.

"Can I have a hug?" He asked.

I nodded and he opened his arms. I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same.

"Amber, I have to go. I just want you to know, don't ever feel alone and stay strong. There are people who love and care about you," he said and then he disappeared.

I blinked, and felt a strange chill come over me. All the sudden, there was this bright light and I fell over, knocking myself out.

* * *

I opened my eyes again, but this time, i wasn't in a gigantic white room. I was in a hospital room.

I looked up and instantly jumped back from the person standing in front of me.

It was no other than Mr. Thomas Woods.

* * *

**Well...**

**Would you rather have Fabian or Joy visit Amber after her father? **

**Quote: For the Love of a Daughter by Demi Lovato (this song is going to be used A LOT!). **


	11. Chapter 10

**Hello hello. Happy late birthday, Miss Nathalia Ramos-Kavanagh. Happy late fourth of July, everyone!**

**Thank you for reviews, alerts, and favorites!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the House of Anubis. I don't even own 'freaking idiots' as Smiley612 and I were talking and she called me that because of Nina's visit.**

* * *

_Don't you remember_

_I'm your baby girl?_

* * *

The same blue colored eyes were staring right back into mine.

"Oh, Amber. You're awake," the man said, standing up and walking over to me.

I just stared up at him, full of fear.

He chuckled. "When your mother called me to tell me what had happened, I couldn't believe my ears. I had thought she was only kidding, trying to get a reaction from me. But here you are, lying in a hospital from a freaking suicide attempt."

He stopped talking and came up close to me.

"I would've thought when you were a teenager you would've gotten more of a back bone. We can see how that turned out. You're a fucking disgrace, Amber."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off. "Don't speak, Amber. I would be happy with you never talking again. Whatever you have to say, doesn't matter. It's all shit. You're so fucking selfish and worthless. I'm extremely embarrassed to call you my daughter. You're fucking messed up. Goodbye, slut," he said, and walked out of my room.

I sat there, frozen, staring at the door. My body was all tense, like he would come back at any moment and attack me. Hopefully he just walked out of my life for good.

A bunch of doctors and nurses flooded into my room, poking me and talking to me.

I stayed frozen, just twitching or flinching when they poked me. I didn't talk once, and they asked me a lot of questions. They started to think that I had some vocal damage, either in my brain or my throat, but when a doctor looked in my throat and looked at the MRI's they had run they realized that was not the case. They just classified me as a 'selective mute'.

Finally, after what had to be at least an hour, all the doctors and nurses left.

I stared off into space, Thomas' words repeating over and over in my head.

The door opened and I flinched back.

"Amber!" a girlish voice squealed. I craned my neck and saw Joy standing at the door.

She ran towards me and wrapped me in a hug.

"Gosh, Amber, I was so worried about you! When I saw you in the woods, I thought you were dead! And then I found out you had attempted suicide and I felt so guilty! And YOU ARE PREGNANT!" Joy rambled on, screeching the last few words. I smiled for a second, but remembered what he said and it disappeared.

"So, how are you feeling?" Joy asked, finally settling down and sitting on my bed.

I simply pointed to my head and shook it.

"Does your head hurt?" she asked, looking a bit confused.

I nodded slightly and she smiled and gave me a few Advil.

"These should help. Since we only have a short amount of time, I guess I should go. Bye, Amber," Joy said, smiled at me again and left.

I was left alone for a few seconds before Nina came in. She looked very anxious and sad.

"Hello, Amber," she greeted me.

I looked up at her, but made no other movements.

She took a few steps towards me. "How are you feeling?"

I tilted my head and gave her a look. She laughed a little.

"I know stupid question... I'm sorry, Amber," she said, looking down.

I sighed and held out my arms.

She looked at me questioningly. I just looked at her again and moved my fingers.

Nina wrapped her arms around me and I did the same to her.

She pulled back after a minute and smiled.

"I better go. I'll see you soon, Amber," she said, and walked out.

I was alone again for a few seconds before the door slammed open again and I was in a hug.

"Amber!" a twelve-year-old voice said into my hair.

"Kate! Let her breathe!" an older woman's voice sounded. I froze. That was my mother.

Kate let go of me. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just so happy to see you!"

"We all are, but that doesn't mean you can go attack her!" my brother, Lorenzo, added.

My mother let out a suppressed laugh, and I looked over at her. She looked tired, sad, and...

Disappointed.

"So, Amber, I was thinking, maybe we could get the hospital to bring in pink sheets for you. Or, better yet, an entire bed spread! And a shower curtain, and towels! How does that sound?" Kate asked in one big breath. I shrugged in response.

"You're overwhelming her!" Lorenzo exclaimed and Kate just glared at him.

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Kids! I'm sure Amber doesn't want to hear you two fighting! Now, would you two go wait out in the hallway? I have something I have to say to Amber, privately," my mom said.

This was it. She was going to yell at me and hit me like my dad did.

Kate and Lorenzo reluctantly agreed. They waved goodbye and went out the door.

My mom and I just say there in silence for a minute.

"When I got the call from the school saying you were in the hospital because you tried to kill yourself, I was convinced it was a sick joke," mom said.

I didn't look at her or anything, just picked at my blanket.

"I thought we were done with this, Amber, a summer or two ago. But I guess not. I'm really disappointed in you. Why didn't you just talk to someone? Why did you have to take it this far? Was this... Was this all for attention?" my head snapped up at the last question.

My mother thinks I tried to kill myself just for freaking attention.

"I have to go, Amber," she said, and gave me a look.

It was pretty much the same look Fabian gave Nina when we did the spider web task without him.

"You really need to learn how to deal with stress," she said, and walked out.

I sat back numbly. She thought I did it for attention, and because I had too much stress.

That's just fucking fantastic.

She thought all the pain I went through, all the voices in my head, all the scars left on my body and heart was because of stress. That's exactly what she said last time, too.

I was so involved with my thoughts that I didn't notice someone slip into the room.

"Hey," a boy's voice rang out.

I jumped and looked over at him. Fabian was standing there, leaning against the wall.

"I don't know why everyone's visit was so quick. Visiting hours aren't over for at least five more hours," Fabian said, walking closer to me. I watched him with wide eyes.

He kept picking at something on his shirt.

"I heard what both your mother and father said to you," Fabian said.

I shut my eyes tightly. This was not good.

"They're both freaking idiots."

I opened my eyes back up and looked at him. He had a look of pure anger on his face.

"How could they say that to their own daughter? This wasn't just stress! You obviously have something more than that," Fabian was pacing around the room, his fists clenched. "This wasn't all for attention! Amber, what you have to say is important! It isn't all shit! You're not a disgrace! You're not messed up, you're perfect the way you are!"

I watched him walk around my room, head down, fists clenched, and furious. It was almost scary to see him like that.

He stopped suddenly and looked at me.

"I can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling," he said as he began to walk closer to me. "You can let it all out, Amber. I won't hurt you."

I didn't make any movements. He sighed.

"It's not good to keep it all in like that. Please, Amber, let me know how you're feeling," Fabian pleaded, sitting next to me.

After I didn't react, he started to talk again.

"I won't tell them if you say something to me. I just would like to know that the old Amber is here," he said, putting his head in his hands.

And that is how I lost it. I started bawling.

Fabian wasn't expecting that, so it took him a few seconds to put his arms around me. I held on to him like a lifeline.

"Even my mother is disappointed," I whispered, talking for the first time since waking up.

"Amber, she just doesn't know what to think or to say. She'll come around," Fabian said, rubbing my back.

"What if she doesn't? You heard what my father said. I'm an embarrassment," I whispered into his ear.

"I already told you, your father is wrong. You should be allowed to talk, and say whatever you want. He should be proud of you for making it this far."

I started bawling harder. I had disobeyed my father and I would pay for it later.

Finally, I pulled back and smiled at him.

_'Thank you'_, I mouthed to Fabian. He frowned.

"No, where is Amber's voice? I miss her voice," he said.

I giggled a little.

"Thank you," I said a little louder.

He smiled. "You're welcome. I think I have to go soon."

I shook my head wildly and grabbed his hand. "No, please don't leave me!"

He looked down at me and bit his lip. "Maybe Trudy will let me spend another hour or two here. Want me to go call her?"

I nodded quickly.

Fabian gave me a sad smile. "Let me go and tell the others to leave without me, and then I'll call Trudy, alright?"

I nodded again.

"Alright, let me go tell them," he said.

I watched him exit the room. After he left, I closed my eyes.

Well, that's weird. When Fabian's here, I feel like nothing could hurt me, but now that he has left, I'm terrified.

The door opened again, and I thought it was Fabian, so I didn't open my eyes. As soon as he started to talk, though, I knew it wasn't him.

"You talked."

* * *

**Quote: For the Love of a Daughter by Demi Lovato (you'll be seeing this song a lot)**

**Hmmm well that's strange. There is a reason Amber feels that way when Fabian is around. **

**I don't have anything written for the next chapter, but I know where I'm heading, so I should be able to give you guys a preview soon. **

**If I was to do, say, some sort of spin-off in the fall, do you think anyone would read it...? Like, the same idea, but not Amber centric...?**


	12. Chapter 11

**I am so sorry guys. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I wasn't going to upload until tomorrow and write more tonight but cewhitaker is very persuasive. I'm sorry, gleeks, for your loss.**

-**This is dedicated to ****Olivia****. I thought about it, and I can't help but feel even more guilty (my parents didn't help). I'm sorry. I am very happy you got to meet Big Time Rush. I didn't deserve you telling them about me. **

**-Thank you for contributing. **

**-Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own House of Anubis**.

* * *

_Don't you remember _

_I'm your baby girl?_

_How could you push me_

_right out of your world?_

* * *

My eyes snapped open to see my dad standing over my bed.

"That boy is only fooling you. You are not important at all," he said.

I looked up at him, fear invading my entire body.

"I should've done this a long time ago," he said, pulling out a syringe full of a clear liquid.

I sat horrified with wide eyes as he ejected the syringe into my leg.

Quickly, my eyes started to droop again. My dad had a wicked smile on his face.

"Good night forever, Amber," I heard him say before fully going under.

Fabian's POV:

"Do you think she tried to commit suicide again?"

"We are awaiting the test results. We did find a cut on her leg that wasn't there before, but that could be anything," the doctor said.

I had come back into Amber's room after getting permission from Trudy about staying longer, and there was a swarm of doctors and nurses. Before being pushed into the office I was in now, all I could tell was that Amber was hurt and they were trying to fix her.

As soon as I got into the room, another man was pushed in. He was quite a bit taller than me, and had blonde hair, blue eyes, and looked quite a bit like Amber. After introducing ourselves, I found out he was Amber's father. There was something about him that made me want to run away.

"You, boy," Mr. Woods called, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked over at him.

"Do you know anything? I saw you coming out of Amber's room."

I shook my head. "If I knew something bad was going to happen to her, I wouldn't have left her alone."

A nurse came running in. She motioned to the doctor, and the doctor went over to her.

She whispered into his ear, and he looked panicked. He whispered back into hers, and she nodded and ran out.

He noticed us watching and sighed.

"They just lost her. I am so sorry."

I felt the air blow out of me. "What?"

The doctor nodded in sympathy. "Don't loose hope, though. Sometimes the body can become dead and alive yet again. Don't give up," and with that, he walked out.

I sat there, dumbfounded. Amber's dead?

I barely remember Mr. Woods driving me back to the house and bringing me inside. When I tried shrugging away from him, he just held my arm tighter. I kept getting weird vibes from him.

Sadly, I do remember the look on everyone's faces when he told everyone.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, which I immediately recognized as Nina's. After a few seconds, there was another person in our hug, and another, and another, until all the house guests were in a hug. Something was missing, though.

There was a sense of sadness in the air, like we all knew that Amber was the something that was missing.

We heard the phone ring, and Trudy getting up to answer it.

Her voice rang through the air, but I couldn't make it out.

The phone was put down and soon Trudy came back in.

"Dearies," she said, causing us to break apart.

Eddie still had his arm thrown around Patricia while Nina had her arms around me even though we were both facing Trudy.

"Well, that was the hospital. Amber's alive," she said, not smiling. We all started cheering, but quickly stopped after we noticed she wasn't.

"What's wrong, Trudy?" Jerome asked.

"Amber's gone into a coma and the doctors don't know when she will wake up."

* * *

**Quote: For the Love of a Daughter by Demi Lovato. **

**I thought seeing your favorite band again was supposed to be a good thing...**


	13. Chapter 12

**Hello. I'm sorry, I've just been going through some sort of relapse that makes it hard for me to concentrate on things. **

****_There is a same-sex relationship in here_. If you do not agree with this sort of thing, do not read after Carlos comes, as after Carlos comes that's when it shows and after he comes, Amber shows her true colors, since thats Carlos' job.****

**-Thank you! I think we're up to 100...? reviews now. Thank you! Thank you for following and favoring too! **

**-I do not own House of Anubis, nor do I own Kendall or Carlos. **

* * *

_Do you ever think of,_

_what you're standing at the brink of,_

_feel like giving up,_

_byt you can't just walk away?_

* * *

Amber's POV:

Opening my eyes, I could see I was in that weird white room again, only this time there was a couch, table, and a few chairs. There wasn't a sign of another being in here, either.

I sighed and sat down in a chair. Unlike last time, I could remember everything all too well.

"I thought I told you to stay out of trouble!" a voice startled me.

I turned to see Kendall standing there, arms folded and glaring at me playfully.

"It wasn't my fault this time!" I shot back.

Kendall raised his eyebrows at me. "Who knew you would have such sass?"

I rolled my eyes and smiled a little.

"Seriously, Amber," Kendall said, sitting in the chair across from me, "what did you do this time?"

"I did absolutely nothing;it was my dad! He ejected something into my leg and it made me pass out," I tell him.

Kendall's eyes scrunched together, like he was trying to fight off a bad memory.

"What?" I ask, worried.

He stays like that for a few more seconds before slowly returning to normal.

"Sorry, that happens when he tells me something," Kendall didn't bother telling me who 'he' was, "and your heart just stopped."

"Excuse me?" I say, not believing.

"Oh, they'll revive you soon. They'll take out that... That heart shocker thing that Logan and I had to use and get your heart beating again!" Kendall said happily.

"Who's Logan?" I ask him.

He gives me a weird look. "You don't remember him? What about James or Carlos?"

I just stare at him blankly. "Nope."

He sighed. "Nina? Joy?"

I nodded. I did remember those.

"Interesting. Okay, do you remember only talking to Fabian?" Kendall asked.

I thought for a second. "Yes, I do."

"Why did you talk to him, but not Joy or your mom?" he asked.

I immediately blushed and looked down. The answer was embarrassing and kind of selfish.

"Come on, Amber, you know you can tell me anything," he said, putting his hand on top of mine.

I looked into his green eyes and sighed.

"Fine, but the answer is quite embarrassing and selfish," I told him which he nodded in return.

"The reason I talked to him is... I just feel safe around him. I know he's not the strongest man in the house, but still. I think of him as a brother, almost. It's really stupid, too, because I know he hardly even thinks of me as a friend. Sure, I gave him advice on Joy those few times, but that didn't change a thing. I just felt safer around him when he was with me," I tell Kendall, probably blushing like crazy.

Kendall gives a long, hard look.

"Are you sure you're not in love with this boy?"

I crinkled up my nose. "That would be horrifying. He's in love with Nina, anyway."

He nods. "Do you remember Jerome?"

"Is he the one I kissed?" I asked him.

Kendall nodded again.

"He looks like him, doesn't he?" I asked him.

"What?" Kendall asked, totally confused.

"He is the one that looks like my dad, right?"

He looked even more confused. "Amber, what are you talking about?"

I sighed in annoyance. "Oh, never mind. So does that girl Patricia's boyfriend. I can't think of his name now, but he looks like him too. And then... Alfie? I think that's his name. Well, anyway, he called me names."

Kendall looked pretty astonished. "How did you remember all that?"

I shrugged. "I'm a little bit of a genius."

Kendall smiled at me and I returned it.

"How can a practically dead girl be so funny?" he asked.

"I'm dead?" I ask him.

"More or less. They revived you, though, and I think your friends are coming to visit you soon."

"Do they know what it was?" I hope they didn't think it was another suicide attempt.

"They think you tried to kill yourself again," there goes that wish, "but the doctors haven't read in between the lines yet. Soon they should figure out your dad had something to do with it."

And with that my breath quickened up. Kendall quickly noticed.

"What's wrong, Amber?" he asked worriedly.

"I don't want them to know it was my dad! Do you know how badly he will hurt me? He did this just because I talked to Fabian! Imagine what he would do if someone found out!" I start rambling, heart pounding and head racing.

"Amber, it's okay!" Kendall said, attempting to calm me down.

I wasn't listening, though. My leg wouldn't stop shaking, and it was getting harder to breathe.

"Amber? Amber!" Kendall kept repeating my name.

"Wow, Kenny, I didn't think that she was going to bethis hard," a new voice said.

Immediately my eyes turned to look at him and my breathing evened out a little.

"What are you doing here?" Kendall asked, totally confused again.

The boy standing there rolled his eyes. "I'm happy to see you too."

"Now, sass like that won't get you-," Kendall cut himself off, glancing over at me and the newcomer.

"Anyway, Kendall, who is this lovely woman?" the new boy asked. The boy was Latino, with tan skin and chocolate eyes. He was much shorter than Kendall.

"This, my friend, is Amber," Kendall introduced me. I smiled a little and got distracted from my thoughts about my father.

"Aha, so this is Amber? She is quite pretty," the boy said.

"Hello, but who are you?" I finally find my voice again.

"You really don't recognize him?" Kendall asked.

I looked at the boy for another moment, but ended up shaking my head.

"This is Carlos Pena," Kendall introduced him. Carlos gave a little wave.

I waved back. "Why are you here?"

Kendall turned to Carlos and gave him a smirk. Carlos hit him on the back of the head, and Kendall cried out in pain. Carlos rubbed the back of his head for him, and Kendall looked oddly comfortable with that.

I sat there with wide eyes the entire time. What was this?

"I am here because Kendall wasn't doing his job," Carlos said simply.

"I was too!" Kendall retaliated.

"Well, you weren't doing a very good job of it!"

This was almost hysterical. The way they were treating each other meant they either hated each other or they...

"I knew it!" I accidentally said out loud.

They stopped looking at one another to look over at me. "What did you know?"

"You two are in Big Time Rush, right?" I ask them excitedly.

They share a look and then nod at me.

I get up and start dancing around. It must have confused them because they looked at me strangely.

"Are you sure this is the right girl?" Carlos says to Kendall.

He nods. "She must be happy."

I stop and look between the two. "I am a huge shipper of Kenlos, thank you very much."

Kendall and Carlos both blush and look down, which only confirm my suspicions.

"How did you know?" Carlos asked quietly.

"Oh, please, I've seen the way you two act towards and look at each other. It's quite obvious."

Kendall looks up at me, and then at Carlos. "Is this how James and Logan feel?"

"Probably. You know that the entire fandom thinks you're dating Logan, right?" I ask Kendall.

Instead, Carlos answered. "It's because of Alexa, isn't it? She's just a cover up."

"Yes, well, squeeee!" I squealed.

"Where had this Amber gone?" Kendall asked me, watching me jump and squeal.

I shrugged. "I'm only like this when I find out my favorite couple got together or there was a couple-y moment."

"I like this Amber better. Don't you, Los?" Kendall said, throwing his arm around Carlos' shoulders.

Carlos smiled and nodded.

"Kendall, I think it's time to go," Carlos said after a few seconds of silence.

I pouted. "This soon?"

Kendall laughed a little and threw his arms around me. "Where did this Amber go? I swear, you're like two different people."

"I only act like this around people I trust," I tell him, pulling away from him.

Surprisingly, Carlos didn't pull back when I hugged him too. He, in fact, hugged even harder and I was the first to let go.

"Well, Amber, I guess we'll see you in the real world in two days, as we're swinging by on our tour or something," Kendall said.

I nodded. "I'll see you then."

"Bye, Amber," Carlos called, as him and Kendall walked hand in the other direction.

Just like last time, I was knocked out cold soon after.

It wasn't until I had woken up again, with bright blue eyes staring back into mine, that I hadn't asked Carlos why was put with Kendall and I.

* * *

**Okay, well, that wasn't the best. I'm sorry if I brought in Kendall and Carlos and Kenlos too much. You try making up OC's when there are about ten posters of boys staring back at you. **

**QOTD: What are your favorite non-canon (is that what its called when you know it'll never happen but you still ship it?) ships on the show? Mine are Jamber, Fillow, and Falfie.**

**Quote: Invisible by Big Time Rush (if you have never heard it, you should look it up. It's really beautiful)**


	14. Those notes y'all love

Hi my loves.

So you probably want to know why I've been missing for a... month, is it? Maybe...

Well, there is a multitude of reasons. Vacation, annoyance, anxiety, embarrassment from this story (the Kenlos and bringing big time rush into was stupid, I'm really sorry), new fanfic ideas (FABINA!), and most of all...

Internet friendships are the worst.

Anyway, I am really sorry.

I will finish this story. I will. I'm going to work my hardest to get this done by the end of the second week of school.

Oh! Yeah! And being afraid to go to school again has played a role in this.

I go back to school September 9th, by the way. Some of you have gone back, haven't you?

Umm... I think that wraps it up. The next chapter will be up by the end of this week, hopefully, and (whispers) there will be a Jamber kiss or two.

I didn't say that!

Haha I am so grateful for you guys. Thank you for everything. If i could meet you all and give you brownies or something, I would. (I hope that didn't sound too creepy)

Well, if you read all this, thank you. I would love to learn about you (again I'm sorry I'm a creep)! It could even be like, i don't know, what watt of power you have in your lightbulb, what color the sky is outside, or what color your great grandfathers sisters child had.

Omg watch him not have a sister ok ok I'm calm.

Well, I'll go first. My name is Amber, I'm twelve, and I'm not sure if my great grandfather even had a sister! I also hate the ships Mabian, Kabain,(FABINA FOR EVER!) Keddie, and do not like the characters Mara and KT.

Enough about me, time to go watch Nikita and Jade on Capture (in 22 (twenty twooooo) minutes)!

Love,

Amber (I swear I'm not some 69 year old pervert sitting on the toilet all stay on his laptop)

P.S.

I think a main reason I didn't update was because of 'Not The Normal Fairytale' by nic98ole. It's not HOA but it's perfect and just gosh.


	15. Chapter 13

**Hello (: **

**Thank you!**

**There is a little bit of romance thats on the mature side in here...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis.**

* * *

_"So we fight through the hurt_

_and we cry and cry and cry and cry_

_And we live and we learn_

_and we try and try and try and try"_

* * *

**Jerome's POV: **

Finally, finally, today I was able to see Amber!

For the past week, only Fabian, Nina, Joy, and Trudy went and visited Amber.

Today, though, Joy finally stepped down and let me go. I honestly don't think I had ever hugged her before that.

Anyway, I was finally able to see the person I'm in love with. Even if she is asleep, I still get to see her.

Yes, I admit it. I, Jerome Clarke, am in love with Amber Millington.

Everything about her just captivated me. Her long blonde hair, her bright blue eyes, the way she walked, the way she talked, everything. She was perfect.

I knew she would never like me like that. Sure, we kissed, but that doesn't mean hardly a thing.

The car ride here was nauseating. Never let Fabian and Nina near each other. They're like monkeys! My gosh.

"Jerome," Amber's mom's voice said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at her, and she gave me a tight, fake smile. "You can go and see her."

I gave her a small, mumbled "thank you" and walked down the hallway. I found Amber's room and walked inside.

Although she had absolutely no makeup on, she still looked absolutely stunning.

I thought her hand twitching was a figment of my imagination. I decided to lean over her bed to look at her face and talk to her.

"Alfie is really sorry for what he said. I... I walked in on him about to cut himself. We talked, and he said it was because of what he did to you," I told her, even though she probably couldn't hear me.

And then her eye twitched. I knew I didn't imagine that.

I watched in fascination as she opened her eyes.

As soon as she did, though, she jumped back and sat up, holding her hand over her chest.

She looked over at me and smiled. "You scared me, Jerome."

My eyes widened. "Amber, you just talked!"

She giggled. "Yes, I'm not going to stop talking because of what some man says!"

Then her eyebrows furrowed. "You kind of look like him, Jerome, but you're not him. You're much nicer."

Before I could ask what she was talking about, a doctor came walking into the room. He looked at me and smiled.

"Good to see your friends are coming to see you, Amber," the doctor said, looking at her.

She flinched when he touched her bare skin. He immediately pulled back and apologized.

"It's fine, I just have to get used to people touching me," she said, stretching.

Have I ever mentioned how adorable she is?

The doctor chuckled. "Well, I'm afraid you have to step out for a moment, son. I have something I would like to tell Amber privately."

I nodded and gave a lopsided grin. "I'm Jerome by the way," I said, sticking my hand out.

He shook it and introduced himself as Doctor Alexander. I walked out of the room and into the waiting room where I was bombarded by questions.

"There was a doctor going into Amber's room! Is she okay?" Nina.

"Is Amber okay?" Fabian.

"How is she?"

"Did she wake up?"

"Hey!" I shouted, causing everyone to shut up- and bring everyone who was in the room's attention to me. I mouthed a sorry and turned back to the other group, lowering my voice.

"Amber woke up, yes, but I was told to go out of her room so the doctor could tell her something," I told them, putting my head into my hands.

"It must be about the baby," Mrs. Millington said quietly.

My head shot up so fast it hurt my neck. "What about the baby?"

Mrs. Millington and Trudy shared a look.

"Jerome, honey..." Trudy started.

"Just tell me," I demanded, looking straight at Mrs. Millington.

She sighed. "Jerome, when Amber went into the coma, her body almost shut down, and, well, she lost the baby."

* * *

**And we're going back to Amber's POV!:**

"What?" I asked, not believing what the doctor had just told me.

I had just lost my baby?

How is that possible? I hadn't even been awake for most of the time I had it in my stomach!

"I'm sorry, Miss. Millington, but your body almost shut down when you went into a coma. It was working so hard to keep your heart beating, that it forgot to give nutrients to the baby."

I looked down at my stomach. "How long was I out for?"

"A week."

"When did this happen?"

He cleared his throat. "About a day after."

I sighed and moved my hand to my stomach. "Well, that just flat out sucks."

The doctor laughed for a second. "Yes it does. I better get going. Feel better, Amber," and he walked out the door.

I sighed again and looked down at my hand, which was slightly rubbing my stomach.

How did I loose my child that quickly? I know that wasn't the best way to even receive a baby, but still...

There's this... Wish that I have that's really strange. I honestly want to have a child growing inside me.

Now, I know what you're going to say. That I'm crazy. I'm too young. I've been told that by Joy and Nina already, so hold your breath.

But there's something about it that makes me feel almost happy. It's almost as if it's soothing to have another life inside of you. Like, you wouldn't be alone for nine months.

Crazy, right?

And it might not make sense to your head, but it makes perfect sense to me.

The door creaked open, and in walked my mother. She had a disapproving look on her face, mixed with concern and anger.

What was her problem?

"Amber," she said, causing me to put my attention back onto her.

She looked at me up and down with a tight smile on her face. "Nice to see you again."

I faked a smile right back at her. "Hey."

Mom sighed and sat down on one of the chairs. Here we go.

"I'm just going to come right out and say it. Why did you try to kill yourself twice?"

My mouth dropped open. "I did not try to the second time! That was dad!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Do not think about bringing him into this. He has done nothing's but provide from you. He hasn't even been here to see you!"

I rolled my ceyes. "Not daddy, my actual father! He put something into my leg and it did something to me and the baby!"

Now it was my mothers turn to roll her eyes. "You have got to be kidding me."

My mouth dropped open again for the second time. "I'm telling the truth! Mom, he was here when I woke up from the original thing. He was the one that made me scared to freaking talk!"

Mom scoffed and stood up. "When you're ready to tell the truth, you know where to get me," and with that she walked out the hospital room's white door, leaving it halfway open.

I looked after her and huffed, falling back into the pillows and crossing my arms.

I was telling the truth! She doesn't know anything about her ex-husband, that's pretty obvious.

Wait, what about daddy?

I sat up straight.

Why hasn't he come to visit me?

"Hey there, pouty face," a familiar voice floated through the door. I jumped slightly and turned to see Jerome standing there, hands in his pockets.

All thoughts of what I was previously thinking about melted away and I put on an Amber Millington smile. "Hey there, tall hair."

He chuckled and moved inside the room, closing the door and walking up to the side of my bed.

"It's been a while since I've seen one of those thousand watt smiles," Jerome comments.

I laugh. "Well, I haven't had much to smile about lately."

"I've heard," he said, moving a little closer to me.

I moved a little closer to him. "Who's told you?"

"A little birdie." Closer.

"Would you tell me if I kissed you?" Where did that come from?

"Maybe."

I bit my lip. "Well come here then," and I pat the space on my bed beside me.

He sat down and I sat up, grabbed his collar, and pulled him towards me until his lips met mine.

The kiss lasted for about thirty seconds until the door opened and there was a gasp.

Jerome and I spilt apart and turned our heads to see Nina with Fabian standing in the doorway. Fabian had a light blush on her face while Nina had a small smirk on her face.

"Now you know how we feel whenever we try to kiss!" Nina teased, talking about the many times her and Fabian had been interrupted by one of us.

"Yeah, but we haven't walked in on you two doing something serious," I tried to say with a straight face.

"I would beg to differ!" Jerome suddenly said. I looked at him and noticed my hands were still clenching his shirt, so I quickly released my hold.

Fabian turned so red I thought his head was going to explode. He excused himself and went off somewhere. Nina rolled her eyes after him and turned back to Jerome. "What are you talking about?"

"I was in the car too, Nina! And anyone with eyes and ears knew what was happening!"

Nina's eyes narrowed. "You make it seem like we had sex in front of you guys!" Thank goodness she had come inside the room and shut the door.

Jerome's eyebrows raised. "Oh but it sure did seem like it!"

I put my mouth close to his ear and whispered, "What were they doing?"

Jerome looked from me to the cup beside my bed to the glaring Nina to me again.

It took me a moment to realize what he meant.

My hands shot up to my mouth and I squealed. "You're so naughty!"

Nina just rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. You know, Jerome, you didn't have to look at us."

"Oh? I didn't? Well, thank you, Captian Obvious!" Jerome shot back.

The door opened and Fabian rejoined us. He stood next to Nina, who took ahold of his hand.

"Look at the happy couple!" Jerome said, clapping his hands loudly.

They looked at him quite strangely.

"What?" he shrugged.

Nina just shook her head. "Anyway, Jerome, would you mind stepping out for a few minutes?"

He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Nina, your boyfriend is standing right there, I don't like you like that, and I'm with Amber now."

"Wait, we're togther?" I ask him.

He looks over at me and smiles. "Only if you would like to be."

I smile back at him. "I would love to be."

We smile at each other until Fabian interrupts us. "Jerome, please."

Jerome breaks our eye contact to look at him. "Now you know how we feel."

Fabian scoffed. "Just go."

Jerome rolled his eyes and got up, making his way to the door. He turned around and said, "bye Amber!"

"Bye!" I called as he walked out the door, shuting it behind him.

I turned to Fabian and Nina. It was then I noticed how tightly Nina was holding Fabian's hand, and how close Nina was to crying.

I frowned. "What's wrong?"

She looked at me. "What's right?"

"Joy said that right before I crushed her soul!" Fabian exclaimed suddenly. Nina sent him a glare and he said he would be quiet.

"What do you mean?" I asked Nina after she was done dealing with her boyfriend.

She sighed and sat down on the side of my bed. She didn't relase her grip she had on Fabian, though.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Nina said, "I'm sorry."

"Nina, I already said I forgive you!" I said, looking her straight in the eyes.

"But, why? I totally and completely betrayed you!"

I took a deep breath. "Because you learn to forgive and forget. Sure, I was mad, but I'm not anymore. Look where its got me now. I have the boy I have wanted since forever and an even tighter bond with my best friend."

Nina gave a watery smile before she started bawling. I pulled her into hug, making her let go of Fabian.

"Come on, don't cry. You're going to make me cry now."

"Why do you like Jerome?" Fabian spoke up.

I pulled back from the hug and shared a look with Nina before turning to Fabian. "What are you talking about?"

"Out of all the boys, why Jerome?" he asked again, before getting a smirk on his face. "It's because of the hair, isn't it?"

I let out a laugh. "It is not about the hair."

"Oh but it is."

I laughed a little more before turning to Nina, who was trying her best not to explode into laughter.

"And people call him the smart one."

* * *

**Okay, so now we're going into full on Jamber mode. Think you can handle it? **

**I'm going to try to include some Peddie in the next chapter.**

**Speaking of which, next update should be somewhere in between Thursday-Saturday.**

**Quote: Down to Earth by Justin Bieber**

**Oh! And I'm changing the summary!**


	16. Chapter 14

**That awkward moment when you're part of that 0.6% of users that use IE7 because you use an old laptop to post (normally).**

**Thank you for putting up with me. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own House of Anubis or Taylor Lautner.**

* * *

_Hold on_

_Make it last_

_Hold on_

_Never turn back_

* * *

**The rest of the story will be in Amber's POV!**

"I am not letting you go until you agree to go!"

"How am I supposed to go if you're on top of me!"

"Just agree to go!"

Earlier, my mom with the help of Trudy and every house mate announced that I would be going to see a therapist every other day. I refused, saying that it was stupid of me to cut and then attempt to kill myself and I shouldn't have to go.

One thing led to another, and I was currently laying on my back on Jerome's bed with Jerome's leg over my waist, holding me down.

"I don't have to go anymore!" I said to him, still trying to get out of his hold. I didn't mind it at all though.

"Yes you do! Amber this is serious!" Jerome retaliated, now putting his hand on my arm to keep it from hitting him.

"But I'm better now!"

He gave me a look. "Yeah and Patricia and Eddie aren't practically mauling each other in the next room."

I sighed. "If I agree to go, can we get ice cream afterwards?"

"Whatever you want, beautiful."

"Stop it," I said, blushing.

"You know it's true," he said, finally getting off of me and taking my hand to help me sit up.

I rolled my eyes and fell back onto his bed. "What time do we have to leave?"

He took my hand again and fell back so he was lying next to me. "In fifteen minutes."

I shot up. "I have to go get ready!"

"What? Amber it's just the doctors office."

"The doctors office is very important! There could be other human beings there!"

Even though he was rubbing his forehead, I could still see him roll his eyes. "Yes, Amber, because the queen is going to walk in and throw you out of the country because you because you don't have any makeup on."

"Exactly!" I exclaimed. "I'm so glad you're getting this!"

I heard him groan. "You don't need makeup on!"

"Yes I do!"

"No you don't!"

"Taylor Lautner could walk in and see me and decide to not like me."

"You're overreacting!"

"I am not overreacting I am doing what needs to be done!"

"Why are you so convinced you need it?" he asked, sitting up so he could look me in the eye.

I looked down at our interlocked hands. "No reason."

"This is why you have to go to the therapist!"

I sighed, not bothering to argue. Standing up, I let go of his hand and made my way to the door.

"I'll see you later Jerome," I said, pausing at the door.

He got up and walked over to me. He put his hands under my jawline and tilted my head up, and kissed my forehead.

"You can do this, Ambs," he said, pulling back and looking at me.

I nodded, biting my lip. "I can do this."

He smiled, and glanced behind him to see the clock on the nightstand.

"We just killed eleven minutes."

I let out a little yell.

"I have to go!" I squeaked, running out of the room.

"Bye to you too, Amber," Jerome yelled down the hallway sarcastically.

I simply ignored him and ran up the stairs, nearly crashing into Mara. She shot me a dirty look as I passed, which I also ignored.

I ran into the bathroom and quickly put on mascara and foundation. I didn't care about what I was wearing, so I quickly threw my hair into a side braid and looked in the mirror.

"You can do this," I said to myself. I was beginning to get nervous about meeting this new therapist lady. What if she hated me? What if she didn't want to listen to me?

I heard my mother yell my name up the stairs, so I took one last look in the mirror and started towards the stairs, getting more and more anxious every step.

Once I saw who was standing next to my mother in the foyer, all my nerves disappeared.

"Daddy!" I screamed, running down the stairs and launching myself at him.

I felt him try to regain his balance. "Hello to you too, Amber."

I held him for a few seconds before pulling back. "I am so happy you're here!"

"Anything for my princess," he said, smiling.

"Alright, well, are we ready to go?" Mom asked. She obviously wasn't happy about this whole thing by the way her voice contained no enthusiasm.

I peered past her to see Jerome standing in the doorway of his room, watching us. I smiled at him, and told my mom I was ready.

As we were walking out, I turned to my dad and said, "Daddy, when we come back, there's someone I want you to meet."

We reached the car, and daddy opened the door for me. "Is this a boy or a girl someone?"

I climbed in the car and put my seatbelt on. "A boy someone, and then I want to introduce you to Nina."

I heard him laugh. "Okay, okay. I have to approve of this boy before you two do anything serious."

"David!" My mom screamed, glancing off the road to glare at him for a second.

My dad laughed. "Sorry, sorry. You know it's true though, so many teen pregnancies these days."

I saw my mom tense up, and I'm sure I looked stiff too. I guess no one told my dad about what could have been.

"Well, Amber isn't stupid, so I doubt she'll be doing anything like that," my mom said, turning into the parking lot.

"I thought this entire thing was stupid to you," I accidentally blurted out.

Both parents turned back to look at me.

"Excuse me?" my mom asked.

I sighed and undid my seat belt. "Never mind."

I heard my parents sigh also, and then they got out of the car. I quickly followed them, taking a deep breath and walking through the doors.

* * *

**Bad ending, huh? Next update should be Wednesday..? Around there. **

**Well, there was no Peddie, that will be soon, I promise. Any other couples (I will ****_NOT_**** put Mabian in here.)**

**Quote: Mine by Taylor Swift**


	17. Chapter 15

**If you want to chase me down the street with pitchforks now, wait 'till you read this chapter. **

**Okay so you're going to read this and be like "Amber how much sugar did you have today"and then chop my head off for the ending. **

**Um the pairings in this chapter are a little odd because I amused myself so hope you likeeeee. Especially if you ship Feddie (even as a bromance) **

**This chapter shows more humor than anything until the ending. Ohhhh you're gonna hate the ending.**

* * *

_You're not alone_

_I'll listen 'till your tears give out_

_You're safe and sound_

_I swear that I won't let you down_

_What's hurting you, I, I feel it too_

_I mean it when I say you cry_

_I cry with you _

* * *

"Amber!" Nina exclaimed from her spot on the couch when I walked in the room, causing everyone to look up.

Everyone shot up and made a circle around me. They all started asking how I was, or how the session went. Eddie shouted over everyone to ask 'how hot the therapist was'.

That caused everyone to look over at him.

"Excuse me, weasel," Patricia said, crossing her arms.

Eddie gave her a nervous smile.

"I love you, Yacker," he tried, pecking her on the lips.

She rolled her eyes and mumbled back an 'I love you too.'

"Anyway, Amber, what happened?" Joy asked, turning everyone's attention back on me.

"Well, would you like to sit down and I'll tell you?" I said, moving to go sit in one of the chairs.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me into their lap. When I turn I see Jerome smiling cheekily at me. I kiss his cheek and look around to see most of the other couples in the same position as we are.

Then I notice Nina's hand on Fabian's upper thigh. I catch her gaze and raise my eyebrows at her, which causes her to blush. She whispers something to Fabian, who was talking to Willow about something, but he stops and blushes.

I was about to turn to Jerome to ask if he had seen what just happened but before I could ask he said, "Nina, Fabian, have you been using protection?"

"Jerome, what are you-," Eddie said as he pulled away from his snogging session with Patricia, but when he saw Nina's hand and their faces, he shut up.

"Nina, darling, could you please move out of the way?" Eddie practically demanded sweetly.

When Nina didn't move he picked her up and dropped her on Jerome's lap next to me, ignoring the grunt he made.

Eddie tackled Fabian, straddling his waist. He held Fabian's hands above his head. It was actually pretty funny to see.

"Feddie," Nina, Patricia, and I all said at the same time. We all looked at each other and cracked up.

"Excuse me!" Fabian and Eddie practically shrieked in unison.

Joy, Mara, and Willow began to catch on and laugh while I could feel the laughter from Jerome.

"Have any of you seen-," Victor started, but as soon as he looked on the couch, he stopped, seeing Eddie's knees on either side of Fabian's waist, with Eddie holding Fabian's hands above his head. Oh, yeah, and they were only a few inches apart.

Victor cleared his throat and stood up straighter. "Eddie, Fabian, what are you doing?"

"I know, right, Victor. I thought Fabian had the hots for Mick," Jerome tried to say with a straight face but ended up laughing through the end.

I couldn't breathe and I was sure no one could also.

Other than Fabian, Eddie, and Victor, of course. They didn't find this amusing at all.

Once everyone calmed down, Victor asked yet again what Eddie was doing.

"Well you see, Amber was about to tell us what happened today, but then Nina had to be all coupley with Fabian, so I had to step in and make sure Fabian wasn't being inappropriate back, and why am I still on Fabian!" Eddie shrieked the last part.

He dropped Fabian's hands but didn't get off his lap.

"Or maybe you want to steal Fabian from me!" Nina joked.

Eddie's face turned from stern to disgust to a wry smile in .4 seconds.

"Yes, Nina, because I am 110% in love with Fabian," Eddie said, then turned to face Fabian, who looked at him with a confused expression.

"Fabian, I love you," Eddie said, grabbing Fabian's head and kissing his cheek.

Eddie then proceeded to get off him, which involved lots of pushing, kneeing, and elbowing. He sat directly next to Fabian, wrapping his arms around his torso.

"Oh my gosh I think I just lost my boyfriend to Fabian," Patricia said softly, eyes widened. Nina looked the same but didn't speak.

I turned to look at Jerome, who caught my gaze. He looked just as baffled as I was.

"Anyway," Victor said, breaking the silence. Everyone but Eddie looked over at him. Eddie had his face in Fabian's neck, and Fabian's facial expression clearly showed he was quite uncomfortable.

"Could one of you go get Alfie? I need to speak with him in my office," Victor said, stalking off to his office.

Everyone turned to look at me. Eddie even pulled his head out of his new "boyfriend's" neck to look. I honestly didn't realize that he wasn't here.

I rolled my eyes and pushed myself off Jerome's lap.

"Fine, I'll go get him them," I said, walking towards the door.

I heard a few gasps and then Jerome was by my side.

"No, Amber, I'll go get him," he said, walking ahead of me.

"No, Jerome," I heard my own voice say, "I have to fight my own battles."

He turned to look at me. "But Amber-"

"But nothing Jerome," I interrupted him. "I'm not a fragile doll that needs extreme care anymore. I will go tell him that Victor needs him."

Jerome stood there, gaping like a fish.

I rolled my eyes and pushed past him to knock on Alfie's door.

"Yeah?" a tired voice called.

I opened the door to see Alfie. As soon as he saw me his eyes widened, and his leg started shaking, and his breathing got all weird.

Karma's a bitch. And now, Alfie has the anxiety.

"Amber," he said it like he had see a ghost.

I let out a nervous little laugh and said, "Hi, Alfie. Victor wanted to see you in his office, so..."

Alfie nodded and tried to run out the door but I grabbed his wrist, which made him wince. His shaking and uneasiness only grew.

"Listen, can we talk later about all this?' I asked him.

His shaking stopped and tears sprang into his eyes, which meant he was so anxious he felt as if he was suffocating.

He nodded once and when he broke free, I let him run away from me, leaving me alone.

I had no right to hold him against his will.

Who would want to stay, looking at a face like mine?

Jerome only dates me because he feels sorry for me, doesn't he?

As if someone as perfect as him would like someone like me.

One time I cut because I realized I was too imperfect and ugly for Jerome.

Like, probably the people who found out thought that too. That he would NEVER go for a girl like me.

Cut. My breathing hitched on that word, and somehow that felt like a great solution.

I somehow found myself in the girls bathroom, with a pencil sharpener blade in my hand.

I picked up the bottom of my shirt and pressed the cold, sharp medal against my pale skin.

I took in a sharp breathe as the blade went across my skin and the warm liquid started flowing.

I continued until there were at least five bloody lines down my hip.

And you would think the therapy sessions would help, right?

Well being there only made me feel worse about myself.

How I don't deserve the help because there were people much worse than me.

How _terrible_ I am.

How _sick_ I am.

How _Jerome can't like me_.

How I am way too ugly for him.

For anyone to even consider dating me.

The door suddenly opened before I had time to react and there was a loud gasp.

"Amber!"

* * *

**Next update should be next Thursday (a.k.a. day I'm home alone for an hour and a half)! I now have study hall every day so I shall write then. **

**I might have a new story coming out soon... Like after this is done. Maybe. I'm not sure I'm gonna post it...**

**Quote: Cry With You by Hunter Hayes.**


	18. Chapter 16: Final

**Would now be a good time to tell you this is the last chapter of this story? **

**My two sisters made fanfiction accounts omg and they're only 8 and 9 I hope no one corrupts their innocence.**

**-Thank you for the 137 reviews, 20 favorites, and 29 follows. They mean lots [: **

**-Dedicated to my social studies teacher who noticed I was an anxiety bomb today and tried to make it better but it didn't do anything and I was fine anyway. **

**-Disclaimer: Nope don't own the House of Anubis. **

* * *

_Long live the walls we crashed through_

_I had the time of my life_

_fighting dragons with you_

* * *

"Amber!" I heard a gasp.

I quickly whipped my head around, dropping my shirt over the new and bleeding cuts, and saw Nina standing there, tightly clutching the fabric of Fabian's shirt.

I put my hands behind my back and gave them a fake smile. "Hi, Fabina."

"Don't 'hi fabina' us, Amber!" Fabian raised his voice. Oh god, I made him upset.

I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "What would you like me to say?"

He icily laughed. "I don't know, maybe you could explain what you were doing?"

I was about to shot back a snarky remark but Nina let out another gasp.

"Amber, there's so much red..." she trailed off before turning into Fabian's chest, sobbing.

Fabian shot me a glare and his eyes softened as he made his way down my torso. I wasn't sure what he was looking at, but before I could ask, Fabian scooped Nina up bridal style and carried her downstairs.

I let out an annoyed sigh and followed them downstairs. My hip burned a bit but I had to follow these people.

"Wait!" I called after them as Fabian walked into the common room. He of course didn't comply and dumped Nina into a chair before sitting on the arm of it.

I ran into the common room and put my hand on my hip. "Well, what was that for?"

Willow, Mara, and Joy had filed out at one point so only Fabian, Nina, Jerome, Patricia, Eddie, and I remained.

I thought my shirt felt a little wet and sticky but I just shrugged it off.

I heard Jerome, Patricia, and Eddie gasp but I thought it was just because there was a sobbing girl in the chair.

But no, they were all looking over her at me.

"What's with all the staring today?" I snapped. "I know I'm annoying but you don't have to downright stare at me!"

Jerome scoffed. "No one thinks you're annoying, Amber. Why is your entire hand and corner of your shirt covered in blood?"

I rolled my eyes. "My hip and hand are not..." I trailed off.

Oh.

"Why did you do that, Amber!" Jerome shouted, walking up to me.

"Why are you dating me!" I shouted back.

An expression passed through his eyes but it went as quickly as it came. "Because I love you Amber!"

"How do you love me if I don't even love myself!"

I didn't even care there were other people in the room. This matter had to be settled, right here, right now.

"I don't know why you don't love yourself; you're pretty damn perfect!"

I scoffed this time. "Puh-lease. Are you blind?"

"No, I'm in love!"

"I'm too tall, too fat, too ugly, too much acne, my eyes are too blue, do you need me to go on?"

"How could your eyes be too blue! And all your imperfections make you perfect. Why won't you believe that!"

"I will believe it when I see it!"

Something changed in Jerome's eyes and he got even closer to me, putting his hands on my waist. He cringed when he touched the blood but didn't move.

"Amber, you're all I ever wanted."

I sighed. "I don't deserve you. Everyone only sees the Jerome that's snotty, and horrible, and mean, and sneaky, but I see the most beautiful person on Earth. The one that's sensible, and cares so much about others, and who would do anything to protect his loved ones. I have always seen that. I'm just scared to love you because there are so many people are better than me."

Jerome somehow pulled me closer to him. "I will always love you Amber, forever and always."

* * *

I woke up the next morning curled into Jerome's side. After our little 'moment' last night, we didn't leave each other's side unless we had to go to the bathroom or get changed. It had somehow brought us closer as a couple.

When he helped me clean my hip, he actually cried and made me swear never to do it again. I held him in my arms until he stopped crying.

Afterwards, we went back into the common room to check on Nina. She was sitting up, holding Fabian's hand. When she noticed me she got up and slapped my arm, yelling at me to never scare her like that again.

Today, daddy and mom were coming over. They wanted to 'check up on me', and daddy wanted to meet Jerome again.

Hmm, I wonder what ever happened to the father that tried to kill me. Maybe mom knows.

I heard a yawn come from my right and I looked over to see Jerome wide awake. I leant over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Morning, beautiful. I trust you slept well?" Jerome said, sounding posh.

I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face. "Yes, I did. Now, it's time to get up. Daddy and mom are coming today."

Jerome groaned. "Why can't we just stay like this?"

"Because we have things to do! Now, get up, Jerome."

I got up and pulled our intertwined fingers along with me.

He pushed himself up with me and fell into step beside me.

"We should probably go eat breakfast," Jerome said.

I looked at him and he began to blush.

"You probably already knew that," he added, biting his lip.

I nodded. "You're so cute though."

We walked in and sat down in the table. Fabian and Nina were already seated, and they took note of our stance.

"Well, hello, Jamber," Fabian said smugly.

"Hello, Fabina," Jerome replied, patting Fabian on the head.

"Trudy should just start calling us by our ship names," I said.

All three of them turned to look at me.

"What? She should. She could be like, 'Fabina, go find Peddie'," I defended my idea.

Then they all started laughing and nodding.

"That would be easier," Fabian agreed.

I smiled brightly. "I'm a little bit of a genius."

That only made them laugh harder.

"Now you're the cute one," Jerome said after he stopped laughing.

Then Alfie walked in. We made eye contact, and I raised an eyebrow. He nodded once and turned on his heel. He glanced over his shoulder to see if I was following him, and when I nodded, he walked into his bedroom.

I got up from the table and followed him. Jerome called out to me but I just smiled at him and told him I would be fine.

I walked into Jerome and Alfie's room and shut the door behind me softly. Sitting on his bed was no other than Alfred Lewis.

We stood in an awkward silence for a few minutes until Alfie blurted out, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it," I said to him quietly.

He winced and then nodded. "Yeah, I know. I really am though, and I just- I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm sure Jerome told you that I tried... hurting myself after you were admitted into the hospital. He stopped me and he helped me through it. He's a keeper, Amber."

I felt myself nodding at his words.

"Anyway, Amber," he continued, "I'm hoping someday you'll be able to forgive me."

I let out a weak laugh. "What happened to the anxiety filled Alfie of yesterday?"

He let out a little laugh also. "I don't know. I slept on it and I decided that this was more important than bloody nerves."

I smiled. "It sure is. Thank you, Alfie. I hope you get better."

"I hope you get better too, Amber. Now, run along. I'm sure Jerome is waiting," he said, dissmissing me.

I smiled even bigger and opened the door, waving one last time before entering the common room.

"Oh, and Amber?" Alfie's voice wafted from inside the room.

I put my head back in there. "Yes?"

"I was told to tell you that your 'father'," he said father like it was a dispicable word, "got sent to jail. They found traces of what you were injected with in his clothing when he got pulled over for drunk driving, and in his drunk state he admitted to it."

Somehow I smiled even wider. Now, the villan was locked up.

"Thanks, Alfie," I said as I practically skipped out of the room.

"You're welcome!" he called as I ran into the common room.

Now, everyone was seated there, except for me and Alfie, of course. I squealed and clapped my hands.

"Why so happy, Amber?" Joy asked, as she was the first one to notice. Everyone turned to look at me.

"Did Alfie give you some?" Eddie teased. I did notice the way Jerome's jaw tightened.

I laughed awkwardly. "No. He told me my father is in prison!"

Everyone gasped. "Why?!"

I laughed. "Not daddy, dad. Like, Thomas Woods dad. He tried to kill me while I was in the hospital and he admitted to it when he was drunk so he's in prison!"

There was a silence before Eddie started clapping.

"Well, that's what I call a happy ending, I guess," he said.

I took my seat next to Jerome again. "Hey, why aren't you still hanging on Fabian?" he had even switched places to the other end of the table.

"He called me the queen," Eddie said, scowling.

I had to hold back a laugh. "If anything, he would be your queen."

Eddie's eyes widened. "I know! I would top!"

There were sounds of coughing and spitting up stuff after he said that.

"You would not top!" Fabian said to him.

"Yes, he would, Fabes. Stop denying it," Nina replied.

"Nina, you're supposed to be my girlfriend!" Fabian practically whined.

Nina held back a laugh. "Yeah, I know."

There was a comfortable silence as everyone progressed at eating their breakfast. I picked at a muffin for a little bit until I heard a famaliar voice.

"Where is the princess?" Daddy's voice rang out.

I smiled and ran over to where he was standing in the common room to give him a giant hug.

"Hello, Amber," he greeted me.

"Hi, daddy!" I replied, happy to see him.

I gave my mom a short hug also. We had worked out our differences a few days ago, and we were all happy again.

"Now, where is this boy?" Daddy asked, looking over me to peer at the table.

I laughed a little before telling him Jerome was the one with the hair.

Daddy seemed to stare at Jerome very intently for a long time.

Finally he turned back to me. "Do you like him?"

I hesitated before saying, "I love him."

Daddy was silent again for a few minutes.

"Well, as long as my baby girl is happy, I guess I am too," he finally decided, smiling warmly at me.

Jerome finally got up to shake his hand. "Thank you, sir."

"Oh, and he has manners. He's a keeper, Amber," daddy said.

I laughed and turned to my mom. She was smiling also, so I guess she was okay with it also.

I looked back towards my dad and Jerome, who were laughing and talking to each other. They looked like they were getting along quite nicely.

Well, wasn't this a happy ending?

* * *

**Still can't end stories... **

**So um thank you for everything (: **

**Bye until I decide I do want to post somethin (;**

**Quote: Long Live by Taylor Swift**


End file.
